until you can't anymore.

By Six-Out

it comes around midnight.
that feeling, you know.
the one you get when you realize
someone has stopped loving you.

it's something like that.

when poetry forgot how to help mend the past
and you forgot how to pick up a pen
it all falls into place, leaving the blanks
to stay blank. and you just blame it on apathy
because it's easier than staying awake
in a star.less bedroom.

right around when the liquor stops soothing
and you're left wide eyed in heartache
because the past never gets tired
of ripping.you.apart.
it falls together- around the same time that
your fingers start twitching from lack of sleep.
and it's then. just right.
then.

that you realize- for the first time in your life
you're utterly lost.

and when words become just words.
pen and paper mean nothing
anymore.

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.

Published on Thursday, October 2, 2008. Filed under: "Poetry"

Awards

May 30th, 2009

Comments on "until you can't anymore."

On Wednesday, April 4, 2018, sIo (898) wrote:

I just stopped writing because I became someone different, I stopped running away and I started making different choices m, and then I was hurt so much worse. So deeply I felt it in my bones despite my clinched teeth and sorry eyes. I felt I deserved it for the longest time. I hurt so many people because I couldnâ€™t comprehend love in its most basic form. Awareness and consideration, that every action you make may not o let be affecting you. Jesus, I think back and all I remember is how cruel I was to those who were so kind to me and I was not aware, because all I knew was pain and all I was told was everything I did was wrong. I deeply regret the way I ever treated anyone who opened not only their arms but their home to me. I was no ones responsibility but my own and I had no control over even that unless I was out of reach of smothering hands. I will never read this the same ever again in my life because I now know what it feels like when someone just stops caring let alone loving you and itâ€™s like the earth shattering beneath you with not a crash or a cut just the simple knowledge that you, and only you, were just that easy to stop loving.
On Thursday, April 5, 2018, Six-Out (1423) wrote:

Becoming someone different is ok sometimes. It took me a long time to work on fixing myself, even after realizing who I became. A mix of drugs, alcohol, and being unable to accept that I let myself be a shitty person really messed me up. I hope things are better for you now.
On Thursday, April 5, 2018, sIo (898) wrote:

Things are better and I too allowed so much to make me who I was and that person was just unable to cope with life and my family turned their backs on me. My mother just left her husband who hit my younger brother etc. she realized how bad he was. He blew 10k on an game of war.... so we are all crawling out of holes but the light hasnâ€™t gone. Thank you for the reply it means more than you know.
A former member wrote: This... if it isn't perfect, it's close. I'm not the only poet here who can painfully relate to these words. That feeling of being utterly lost and empty, when someone has left you and nothing can fill the void. You express it raw and quietly achingly... Amazing write.
On Tuesday, February 7, 2012, sheff (137) wrote:

adore. simply. bravo.
A former member wrote: THIS IS MY ULTIMATE FAVORITE FOR THE MANY REASONS.. FREAKEN UNTOUCHABLE. INCREDIBLE SIX-OUT
A former member wrote: raw despair.... the point blank of no return... I can feel it.... when the screen fails to refresh.... and the keyboard is just another piece of plastic...
A former member wrote: i .......... feel like the pen in your write.......a little dried out from crying; a little wordless; a lot helpless. *blek.
A former member wrote: and yet again..........
A former member wrote: This is absolutely brilliant.. I have felt that way many times... Write on brother.. Write on.....
On Sunday, February 21, 2010, Musik2MyEyes (192) wrote:

I can't believe the words are right here...and I have been right there. Years of those hours have played over and over...it's maddening. A perfect write. I'm glad you were able to do it.
On Wednesday, June 17, 2009, lovechild (43) wrote:

i read this because it was your last post in '08. i almost wish i hadn't, because i am feeling this way now. my inspiration is dwindling and not even clutching desperately to my pld angst can seem to bring the pen to life. sometimes when you settle into a dream you realize that you can't dream anything else from where you find you have been lost.
On Tuesday, June 2, 2009, Malice In Wonderland (976) wrote:

You always seem to know...this was wonderful as always...not much else can be said...
On Saturday, May 16, 2009, K_Love (525) wrote:

Geez, it's so true. What a hard hitting feeling that you nailed perfectly.
On Friday, April 24, 2009, Riven Waker (317) wrote:

you purvey a real sense of emptiness her, in a most profound way - impressive work
On Friday, April 10, 2009, ebonyamore (100) wrote:

this ripped the heart right out of my chest and stomped it...wearing cleats...into a mud puddle. I didn't read this, I felt it.
On Friday, March 27, 2009, Shortnlethal (65) wrote:

i really related to this peom..i have very close loved one to me that at time he explains the same things as your have writen..and all i feel is pity and pain for him,..i really enjoyed reading this ^^
On Tuesday, March 3, 2009, ColdScaredAlone (77) wrote:

i've read this before, but i can never find the words to say. i feel it. more than i've felt a poem in years. i just feel it.
A former member wrote: I feel utterly lost
On Tuesday, February 10, 2009, DarkNephilim (4) wrote:

I didn't know anyone could put to words what I've been feeling.. I've been trying and for the life of me I couldn't do it. I'm glad someone else understands.. that I'm not alone.
On Thursday, January 22, 2009, Spiritus_Frumenti (340) wrote:

i needed a wretched piece like this one today...this is the feeling i've been trying to put unto paper for days already...thank you for posting this...-l-
On Tuesday, January 13, 2009, Lotophagi (333) wrote:

just.... "yes".
On Sunday, January 11, 2009, Jonas (715) wrote:

this was amazing. you ripped out my balls on a pleasant sunday morning.
On Friday, January 9, 2009, CharlottesWeb (509) wrote:

Seems silly to say, but I felt a bit less lonely for this. A bit more understood, and I appreciate that.
On Wednesday, December 10, 2008, Morbid_insanity (74) wrote:

hmm... i think i lived this a couple of nights ago. its funny how empty life can make you feel. great write though
On Sunday, December 7, 2008, urbanhumility (1158) wrote:

residence is given to my own thoughts of love........jthrough your learned and well spoken prose........thanks Six
On Tuesday, November 18, 2008, Aleas (169) wrote:

Coming back. I haven't felt like I've been hit by a train lately...
On Tuesday, November 18, 2008, Alanarchy (1168) wrote:

For real.
On Wednesday, October 29, 2008, Disassembly Boy (59) wrote:

*falls over*
A former member wrote: Gods...I just....fuck...I'm crying. Utterly.It. -Div
On Thursday, October 16, 2008, Lylani (112) wrote:

'when you realize someone has stopped loving you.' just reading that made my heart feel like it had stopped beating, then I barely dared breath to the end - Now that pains too raw to feel again
On Thursday, October 16, 2008, carlosjackal (2787) wrote:

*MANHUGS*
On Friday, October 10, 2008, Mahakala (207) wrote:

it has become so comfortable, it feels like home... such an old familiar feeling. great write, from the first read it has become one of my favs.
On Saturday, October 4, 2008, freudian-slip (236) wrote:

I want to hate you for making me feel this all over again, as if it was new. jeeez, you ought to at least warn a sister.
A former member wrote: i love this...a feeling i know all too well. well done.
On Thursday, October 2, 2008, heroineyes (111) wrote:

because it's easier than staying awake in a star.less bedroom. favorite line... and when words become just words. pen and paper mean nothing anymore. i love this...that you...
On Thursday, October 2, 2008, Alanarchy (1168) wrote:

Fuck you for writing this. Thank you for writing this. "for the first time in your you're utterly lost." Heartbreak sucks. It sucks. I would rather run into traffic then go through this again. Seriously. Thanks for this.
On Thursday, October 2, 2008, estherbell (52) wrote:

these words just hurt too much.please dont take away my only hope of mending.
On Thursday, October 2, 2008, Daughter_Of_The_Moon (106) wrote:

*hugs* We love you Six!! And miss you!!
A former member wrote: this was like teardrops of rain on an unforgiving stormy day, that makes you want to crawl away into a nothingness and there is no place you can go that the claws of pain won't reach you..... I wish I didn't know this feeling so well... so often. you wrote it perfecly though. ~rain
A former member wrote: "and you just blame it on apathy because it's easier than staying awake in a star.less bedroom." ...I...wow...
On Thursday, October 2, 2008, Leith Plunkett (237) wrote:

such sorrow. (because the past never gets tired of ripping.you.apart.) tragic but lovely. well done :-)