*alternate title - when 2 loves are not the same*



It's been a while since I've taken one of these walks,
2 a.m. down some empty streets
and glad that spring
doesn't feel like spring just yet.
So much on the mind that
without the chill I might forget I'm here.

My perfect park bench is waiting for me,
out of the street lights
but close enough to watch.
No cars tonight, just me and the moon.
The stars aren't missed
they just remind me of past poems,
trickles of words that once escaped
when my heart hit high tide.

The phase of asking myself where I went wrong
is long passed.
I refuse to regret,
maybe finding some sense of honor
in never breaking my promises
and never breaking faith
in that one belief
that saved
and held me together
for so long
and so well.

The questions have become simpler
in that the options are now less.
But there is no choice without its loss,
ever.

There are some things
in love
that philosophers wont touch
for fear of both the difficulty of the problem
and fear of the answer.

And I imagine all the situations
where no answer is right.
I can see the widow at the wedding
catching the bouquet
and staring at it blankly
knowing what it means
and the duel between heart and mind
if she should drop or hold it.

I would tell her to drop it.
That her dead husband is waiting for her
on the other side,
remind her of the vows
and how she said he was the one.

Another may tell her
its time to move on in life
and fall in love again.

I believe in the one
but assume
that the one for me doesn't,
or at least not as I do.

The world has changed
and the meanings behind those classic love poems
are wilting with their pages.



But no comparisons fit
and its just me and the moon tonight.

Two options and an urge to use a coin
because I just can't decide what's right anymore.

There is no question that at least one heart breaks.
It already is.
When the one walks away
in search of something else
there are two options
in the very predictable,
very Shakespearean book of a romantic.

To live a life and never love again,
and watch your lover love
as your heart shreds itself between your ribs.

Or to see that with love lost there is nothing left
and stop the pain.



I don't know what life is anymore without her.



No matter what note was left
she would know why it was done
and she would hurt,
breaking a promise made long ago.

That promise I made, out of love,
is the only thing holding me back.






*Comments about the general messages/statements are welcomed, comments about the insinuation in the ending will be deleted. This is no attention grabbing 'emo' poem by intention, assume it is all just in theory*