This is me finally letting you go

know what I said now,
and now I realize now that i
made you feel bad things
-
not worth fighting for,
not smart enough to reason
discernment impaired
-
the truth is that i 
think you are smarter than my
wife or ex girl friend
-
after all you left
this man breaking down in tears
bent by years of guilt
-
for a crime that you
don't consider to be one
its just natures way
-
i think of you when
I sleep alone in her bed 
when in morning wake
-
you redefined what
type of woman i go for 
standard of beauty
-
I loved the time we
spent watching shows and timing
texting events, sync
-
i wanted to get
your impression of "twin peaks"
imagery, music
-
I wish that I had
paid for your gold, love so that
could have watched much more
-
the only things I
didn't like about you were...
twenty four hours
-
travel across those
one thousand five hundred miles,
would have been worth it
-
to hold you at night
and sooth away your pain
and raise your children
-
I am going to
get therapy soon as I
can figure out how
-
it's only going  
to tell me what I lost,
what I want to loose,
and what I want to find again.
-
I hope that you will fall for me again
after I get talk therapy and divorce therapy.
-
I do not think that
you will ever change your mind
because of the shame
-
return to me when or if you feel it's right.
the only reason that you were mad at me
is that you have strong feelings for me too,
despite the distance, pain and my stupidity
-
I want to give you all that I can,
right now you just want my absence.
-
I think that I will try to contact
you at the turning of the year.
or after you are the only one
that would put me in jail
-
please don't threaten me until i am sane
jail is no more than i deserve
you weren't the one to break me
you are the reason i want to be whole