Vase of Tempered Blue

By lupus tenebrae

Petals; aged ivory melding with the
cream coat of a vacant wall, streaks of
scarce pink stems shone garishly amongst

blades of seamless green, the
tempered blue of blown glass nursing
its unkempt flora as if it were ever athirst.

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Published on Monday, January 11, 2016. Filed under: "Poetry"

Author's Note:

An observational piece written on a lone flower vase bursting with colour.

Comments on "Vase of Tempered Blue"

On Monday, January 11, 2016, TheProphetUntold (160) wrote:

I've been noticing a significant use of enjambment in your recent works. I am not convinced of it effectiveness when used as much as it seems to be in this work. Stretching ideas over lines for the sake of meter and consistency I can see, but the leap across stanzas is a little off putting. There's one thought/image in the first stanza, then the second is split between two stanzas, then the last image is in the last. All that in 6 lines, with all the pauses and punction mid-line.. I suppose if you were trying to make it seem like you were describing a small detail drunk in a spinning room it would serve properly. The ending does ground it all out though and brings order back to mix. Interesting stuff, I look forward to seeing what you do with it. +tpu+
On Monday, January 11, 2016, lupus tenebrae (860) wrote:

I do have the bad habit of abusing enjambment, I guess, and it took a criticism like this to make me realize it. I make no excuses, I'll do well to use it more effectively in the future, I appreciate your feedback...it's always on point. I genuinely feel that, if I could no longer learn or grow, there would be no point to living, I love knowing I still have room to improve.
On Monday, January 11, 2016, TheProphetUntold (160) wrote:

It could morph into something cool, I was just a little confused with this one.
On Monday, January 11, 2016, lupus tenebrae (860) wrote:

Still, I've made better use of it in the past, I've been thinking for awhile that I should revisit my more technical roots as I feel like I've lost touch with them as of late.