On mothers dying.

By Rachel

The radio said it was going to rain that day.
I figured I'd be fine with no umbrella -
It's just water after all.

But here I am six months later
still soaking wet and miserable.

If you think you're prepared, you aren't.
When you think you'll be alright, you won't.

It's like nothing you've felt before.

You'll wake in the morning not knowing
how to go about living.
You'll forget to change your clothes,
brush your hair
tie your shoes.
Such normal things won't even occur to you
as you try to forget the previous night's dreams
in which her face floated in and out
barely beyond reach.

You'll see strangers walking down the street and wonder
why it couldn't have been them instead.
Justifying your thoughts with strange reasoning
They're older than she was.
She was prettier.
No one cares about them anyway.

You'll wish death on a hundred people a day.

You'll see children with their mothers and hate them.
Imagine yourself screaming at them to appreciate what they have.
But you won't.
And they won't.
Just as you didn't.

You'll recall old heartbreaks and wonder
how you ever thought that was pain.

You'll dwell for months on the things you didn't say
years on the things you did.
Recall every last memory with her and decide what you should have done instead.

And then one day, you won't think of her.
You'll feel better but not know why.
You'll see the world isn't such a terrible place
and things aren't always bad.

Then you'll remember she's still dead,
and you'll start all over again.

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
© 2008 Rachel
Published on Thursday, October 9, 2008.     Filed under: "Poetry"
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Comments on "On mothers dying."

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  • Cassette On Thursday, January 11, 2018, Cassette (1206)By person wrote:

    "But here I am six months later still soaking wet and miserable." .......mm. I felt this.

  • Cassette On Thursday, January 11, 2018, Cassette (1206)By person wrote:

    "You'll wish death on a hundred people a day." this line, too.

  • Leineco On Sunday, January 19, 2014, Leineco (61)By person wrote:

    soul crushing poetry. . .such artistic ability to convey the unexplainable! here I am six months later still soaking wet and miserable. . . if you think you're prepared -you aren't when you think you'll be alright you won''t. . . You'll remember old heartbreaks and wonder how you ever thought that was pain amazing writing! and the knife to the heart you'll dwell for months on what you didn't say - and for years on what you did truly heartfelt P O E T R Y.

  • Dreaming in Stanzas On Saturday, January 18, 2014, Dreaming in Stanzas (331)By person wrote:

    This heartbreakingly gorgeous and so accurate that it hurts to read this and remember.

  • Numbers Peppelini On Saturday, January 18, 2014, Numbers Peppelini (94)By person wrote:

    I have lost three loved ones at once, in a blink of an eye. I have come to understand that the amount of suffering we endure through death is in direct correlation to how we live our life. The immense grieving I've felt that languished over time was the suffering I held on to from my own suffering and not the deceased. Their echo resonates in our life just as part of us dies along with them. Let that be for the peace in us and joy we hold in our hearts, for the life we've shared. Their memory must linger in brilliant light, or it was all for naught........ A very profound write, that compels one to anatomize not being able to let go. Much appreciative.

  • April On Saturday, January 18, 2014, April (5)By person wrote:

    Very powerful, very bitter...and for me rather scary, since I'm close to my mother...wondering what life would like with such loss...everyone's experience is unique, but I'm sure you've captured something universal.

  • MegannVidal On Sunday, April 11, 2010, MegannVidal (105)By person wrote:

    What a brave, brave person you are, writing about something so deep and personal. I feel for you, I do. That made me a little sad, but in a good way. You take phrases that could be flooded with a million metaphors and they just come at so naturally and vague, but still beautiful. I can only imagine all the sickness you had, and believe me, I can fathom it. I'm so sorry for you.

  • lupus tenebrae On Friday, February 19, 2010, lupus tenebrae (1017)By person wrote:

    This is absolutely heartbreaking, I'm tearing up from all of this sadness. I know how you feel, I lost my mom when I was 4, and everyone thought I was too young to understand death. It was so overwhelming, I couldn't cry, I just felt empty. I blamed my dad for her death too, cause he didn't take her to the hospital, she had to drive herself. This poem hit so close to home, I love it, one of my favorites! Scholar

  • jajang829 On Sunday, October 4, 2009, jajang829 (23)By person wrote:

    I recently lost my Mother... I thank you for this contribution. The anger and pain are so real. I never thought I would resent someone who still has what I lost. I spent last night crying, and the day trying to forget. My thoughts are with you. Beautiful piece.

  • Blood Saga On Monday, July 20, 2009, Blood Saga (89)By person wrote:

    I've never really lost anyone close to me before, so I guess I have something to be thankful for. I'm not very close with my father though, so sometimes I feel very protective over my mother, like she's all I have. I can't say I know how you feel and I hope I never will. But still, this was inspiring and I think I needed to read it. Thank you so much.

  • Adam On Saturday, June 27, 2009, Adam (250)By person wrote:

    I have moved on, but once we move on it always comes back. There are days when i see a family or a great mother moment on tv that it comes crashing back. It sucks but I'm glad you could write about it. Scholar

  • carlosjackal On Sunday, April 19, 2009, carlosjackal (2568)By person wrote:

    Unflinchingly, brilliantly honest and superbly written. -Carl

  • Ashteroth On Sunday, January 25, 2009, Ashteroth (213)By person wrote:

    That must be quiet hard, I really felt for you. I hope it's true when they say times eases all burdens.

  • Mari On Tuesday, January 6, 2009, Mari (427)By person wrote:

    This. was amazing, it struck a chord with me. and i appreciate you having wrote this. Thank you

  • DIATRICUS On Tuesday, December 30, 2008, DIATRICUS (64)By person wrote:

    this piece represents the very essence of poetry -- its flow, its layers, its strengths and weaknesses, and most of all, its resonance... this poem did nothing short of resonate with all who dared to read it. It brought back both the painful and delightful memories of my grandmothers, and their respective passing... you have accomplished wonder here... thank you.

  • Sketso On Wednesday, December 10, 2008, Sketso (454)By person wrote:

    ya know, I've never commented on this work, despite having read it over a dozen times. it leaves me feeling empty... imagining, of all things, my mom. (wow, who woulda thought) and how I should call again tonight, and say something stupid so she can correct me and chuckle... give her a chance to talk to the kids so they can see the side I always thought didn't exist through my teen years. 112% spot on here... thank you.

  • Believer On Thursday, November 27, 2008, Believer (49)By person wrote:

    if i could cry right now, i would be. this is too real. i am at a loss.

  • A former member wrote: Ravishing!!!!

  • A former member wrote: immediate and if ever the word 'poetic' was applicable, its now for this; hauntingly real.life poetic. . ..

  • estherbell On Thursday, October 9, 2008, estherbell (53)By person wrote:

    This gave me tears.my parents are still alive but i live far from them in a different country and i dread the day when i will feel like this.

  • The Lipstick Factor On Thursday, October 9, 2008, The Lipstick Factor (295)By person wrote:

    Poignant, raw, and honest. Beautiful work. Thank you--I am lucky enough to still have both parents--I shall do better to appreciate them after reading this.

  • A former member wrote: yep i know exactly how u feel. except it was my dad. and its been a year already and it feels insane. all the conversations i imagined having with him and not realizing how little time i had to have them. I never got to have those conversations. time ran out.

  • disposable On Thursday, October 9, 2008, disposable (105)By person wrote:

    brought tears to my eyes. gush...gush...love it....love it. i sincerely appreciate the vulnerability in this.

  • Alanarchy On Thursday, October 9, 2008, Alanarchy (1123)By person wrote:

    Just checking in. It would feel strange for me to gush over this. Amazingly written.

  • BrokenAngel On Thursday, October 9, 2008, BrokenAngel (31)By person wrote:

    this is perfect. simple. beautiful. its completely honest and broke my heart. because its so true.

  • Leith Plunkett On Thursday, October 9, 2008, Leith Plunkett (242)By person wrote:

    A very special piece. It must have been hard to write. Your wording is beautiful. I especially felt the lines (You'll see children with their mothers and hate them.Imagine yourself screaming at them to appreciate what they have. But you won't.And they won't.Just as you didn't). If only everybody knew what they had in front of them. Although sad, it is a beautiful piece

  • Alanarchy On Thursday, October 9, 2008, Alanarchy (1123)By person wrote:

    Not really poetry, if it's easy to write my man.

  • A former member wrote: im 6'2 and theres not a square inch that didnt get goose bumps, ...absoloutely astounding write, ...this is so faved,...so well done

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