empty ships. [lost hope in a halo]

By Six-Out

so I'm drinking away another night
passing time between the bottle and the bedsheets
before tonight doesn't matter anymore

it's always struck me as odd- that this is when the mind is clear
late nights, vodka- and a will to not fucking care
wondering what the hell brought you to this point in time-
this place in life. where nothing seems quite right and everything
yes. every.fucking.thing : seems wrong in every way
another drink- it's almost gone

dreams. what the fuck are dreams when you have no hope?
everything seems so redundant and mundane- so fucking trivial
that it doesn't matter. I always say it, because it's true.
nothing fucking matters anymore. It never has.
everything is [one.big.cycle] of fuck-it-alls and misunderstandings
when you're left crying in the rain- on the beach
in the end.

it's always said that everything happens for a reason.
and it gives everyone this false sense of hope- they're left waiting
waiting for this [reason] that they're promised their entire lives
day after day- night after fucking night.

were do we draw the line between almost- and too much?

tight grip on a lost life- down another shot and taste the night
it's never enough. never enough to fucking care
about anything at all.

and I've often asked myself- what happened to the apathy
those days when another round was played on a pool table-
instead of downed in a shot glass

and nothing fucking matters when the sun goes down-
because who really cares if it comes back up?
the other side of the world would still be happy with their light
because someone always has it better than you.
and there's always someone right below you- waiting for you
to. fuck. up.

so I'll light another cigarette and turn my lungs black
and I'll drink another bottle empty- to kill my liver
and I'll forget all about tonight again- just like the ones before
I may never learn, but I'll never have to remember
and I may never progress

but then I can never. no, never- cry over the past.

you can call me delusional and say that I'm sealing my own fate
and I'll laugh- because at least I'll go down with this ship
with a huge smile on my face.
because the water isn't cold- if I can't feel it.

this world isn't tough- if I refuse to see it.

so yes, you can call me weak- or you can call me a coward
you can say I'm running away from my problems
but you- my friend. you will be the one crying when the sun doesn't rise
and you will be the one freezing without your lifeboat.

I may be running- and I may ruin everything I've worked for
yea, I may be dead.
but at least I'll be fucking happy.

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2005 Six-Out
Published on Tuesday, March 22, 2005.     Filed under: "Rant"
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Comments on "empty ships. [lost hope in a halo]"

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  • ruthless48 On Monday, October 8, 2012, ruthless48 (173)By person wrote:

    oh my hangover head has been on this ghost ship~thank you for such a concise write! love the line: "the water isn't cold - if I can't feel it" ! please save some of your vital forces to continue building the scaffolding we need to hang our hats on in the universe. You are much more than dark poetry~you are dark matter! The 83% of structure to the glittering galaxies. I really feel people are divided like cosmic matter. All the attention goes to the supernovae and constellation's concrete wonders. boring~obvious. Much more to be admired: the dark entities that hold those wonders in place throughout time. The poets, who chafe and curse the reality into this star struck life, and when it is too much intergalactic bling, we can make it all disappear with our black hole pen ink in the unlight of our true day.

  • Dilated View On Saturday, October 6, 2012, Dilated View (583)By person wrote:

    Man Jon too many things I could say about how I relate but that wasn't the point of this. Your paint may be toxic but it sure paints the perfect picture.

  • A former member wrote: this is so fucking great...i fell in love with this write of urs.....so powerful and amazing (:

  • Jonas On Wednesday, January 28, 2009, Jonas (720)By person wrote:

    a random poetry find. you're an asshole, sir. here i am having this decent day and i come across this poem. it is incredibly well written and expressive, so i wanted to read it (and did). but holy shit if i'm not just a tad more depressed now than i was. this was written a long time ago, so i'm sure the wounds are healed, however you've done a wonderful job of creating an image of the wounded

  • Mahakala On Wednesday, August 3, 2005, Mahakala (209)By person wrote:

    WooHoo damn six...my admiration for you is boundless...wonderfully great write...

  • Spiritus_Frumenti On Thursday, June 23, 2005, Spiritus_Frumenti (341)By person wrote:

    this was right on the money...this piece felt so releasing..."tight grip on a lost life- down another shot and taste the night"...great line...brilliant work...-l-

  • AniDayz On Monday, April 4, 2005, AniDayz (820)By person wrote:

    slam my drunkass down to the fucking floor...this is a *slap* of words and feeling...but i taste a sense of wisdom in the blow...

  • eastpatient On Monday, April 4, 2005, eastpatient (47)By person wrote:

    Everything does happen for a reason. It's just not always the reason people like, or expect. By the way, you've gotta visit me, I wanna play pool with you.

  • elisa On Wednesday, March 23, 2005, elisa (1616)By person wrote:

    I get a distinct feeling of contradiction bury deep beneath your words.....i get the feeling that you see every single speck of beauty built into this world and hate the fact that so many people could care less to notice.....

  • elisa On Wednesday, March 23, 2005, elisa (1616)By person wrote:

    ....i absolutely agree......this is the tug-a-war that plays on my emotions.........leaving me with only one of two options.........Love it All......or.....Hate the people that don't~elisa

  • elisa On Wednesday, March 23, 2005, elisa (1616)By person wrote:

    * sub-comment * ......a bit of random advice..........a good cartoon and a close friend can make it all worth while;).......

  • Malice In Wonderland On Tuesday, March 22, 2005, Malice In Wonderland (987)By person wrote:

    this is isolation in it's most blatant it seems...very cold and alone... Scholar

  • Liz On Tuesday, March 22, 2005, Liz (267)By person wrote:

    Yeah, not your regular style. Much more raw, which could be sloppy but is also pure honesty.

  • Solace On Tuesday, March 22, 2005, Solace (1069)By person wrote:

    Dark like the alleys of some far away destitution, i can see the tear streaks and empty bottles...always so real...always...

  • NikesRain On Tuesday, March 22, 2005, NikesRain (1298)By person wrote:

    absolutely heartbreaking and desolate....outstanding work in this but it's more crushing that your sight has turned so much this color.

  • Dr Benway On Tuesday, March 22, 2005, Dr Benway (48)By person wrote:

    your inspiration.

  • Dr Benway On Tuesday, March 22, 2005, Dr Benway (48)By person wrote:

    this poem feels alot different from many of the other poems of yours I have read. Like I have said before, you express angst+loneliness in your writing in a way very few can. This was no exception I only wish you didn't need to suffer so, to find


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