so I'm drinking away another night
passing time between the bottle and the bedsheets
before tonight doesn't matter anymore

it's always struck me as odd- that this is when the mind is clear
late nights, vodka- and a will to not fucking care
wondering what the hell brought you to this point in time-
this place in life. where nothing seems quite right and everything
yes. every.fucking.thing : seems wrong in every way
another drink- it's almost gone

dreams. what the fuck are dreams when you have no hope?
everything seems so redundant and mundane- so fucking trivial
that it doesn't matter. I always say it, because it's true.
nothing fucking matters anymore. It never has.
everything is [one.big.cycle] of fuck-it-alls and misunderstandings
when you're left crying in the rain- on the beach
in the end.

it's always said that everything happens for a reason.
and it gives everyone this false sense of hope- they're left waiting
waiting for this [reason] that they're promised their entire lives
day after day- night after fucking night.

were do we draw the line between almost- and too much?

tight grip on a lost life- down another shot and taste the night
it's never enough. never enough to fucking care
about anything at all.

and I've often asked myself- what happened to the apathy
those days when another round was played on a pool table-
instead of downed in a shot glass

and nothing fucking matters when the sun goes down-
because who really cares if it comes back up?
the other side of the world would still be happy with their light
because someone always has it better than you.
and there's always someone right below you- waiting for you
to. fuck. up.

so I'll light another cigarette and turn my lungs black
and I'll drink another bottle empty- to kill my liver
and I'll forget all about tonight again- just like the ones before
I may never learn, but I'll never have to remember
and I may never progress

but then I can never. no, never- cry over the past.

you can call me delusional and say that I'm sealing my own fate
and I'll laugh- because at least I'll go down with this ship
with a huge smile on my face.
because the water isn't cold- if I can't feel it.

this world isn't tough- if I refuse to see it.

so yes, you can call me weak- or you can call me a coward
you can say I'm running away from my problems
but you- my friend. you will be the one crying when the sun doesn't rise
and you will be the one freezing without your lifeboat.

I may be running- and I may ruin everything I've worked for
yea, I may be dead.
but at least I'll be fucking happy.