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The Path Away
By Scarrzz
.
Dark clouds flow across the moon, hiding
heaven's meager light
Cold wind blows through scattered leaves, swirling shadows
taking flight
With head bowed low and weary gait a
solitary figure takes
Shuffling
footsteps on the path that crosses all of his mistakes
Feet trudge
on but mind falls back to better days so full of life
A
stab of pain and then regret force his withdrawal from the fight
What is the nature of a man, when even hope has left his heart?
A lonely, empty,
broken shell who prays his feelings to depart
Creeping numbness through the
soul, enduring autumn's frosty bite
There is no warmth within at all, he draws the cloak around him tight
And walks alone
Into
the night
.
Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited.
Ask the author first.
Copyright 2010 Scarrzz
Published on Thursday, September 9, 2010.
Filed under: "Structured" and
"Poetry"
Author's Note:
My final submission for the first DP College.Awards
Comments on "The Path Away"
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A former member wrote:
should I be analyzing the structure here? I love the sentiment, I mean there is a certain nobility of sorts... forlorn, shunned and dismissed, but yet as if there were a head held high somewhere despite the feeling of rejection... How consistently were you seeking to make the meter? I like the final half-line rhyme that sends the reader off with the persona in the poem..... the mixture of natural with supernatural components.. the soul in autumn... brings about a unity, perhaps, of metaphysics and physics... natural supernaturalism.... sarter resartus... Carlyle, is it? Meter is hard to judge, since it is a matter of reading, often, and sometimes close is good enough... but I thought I found a number of trochees and iambs starting lines... and I wasn't entirely convinced of uniformity in feet.... but, ya know.... it's a really sound poem.... and the sentiment as well as imagery is very consistent.... tells a tale, if you will... nice work, man and congrats! scholar!
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On Wednesday, September 22, 2010, Scarrzz
(238)
wrote:
Thank You, Ainsof. You know me well, and are acutely perceptive. I didn't even recognize the sense of quiet nobility conveyed between the lines, but I felt it as I wrote. I love it when a feeling comes out of the whole rather than a specific wording. I don't claim much nobility, but I believe that being willing to risk all by giving a full measure of love is about as deserving of respect as anyone really can get. - As far as the meter goes, Matt read it that way too, but I had intended Iambic with the employment of some anacrusis at the beginning of a few lines. Those could as well be read trochaically, but that wasn't my intent. I wasn't really worrying about constraining the reading of the piece that much, just wanted the flow to be smooth while demonstrating familiarity with meter, since it was for my assignment. Thanks for the thoughtful comment, my friend.
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A former member wrote:
"With head bowed low and weary gait a solitary figure takes" haunting. Numerous great lines in this piece. Beautifully done. =)
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A former member wrote:
i completely get this and its a great piece
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On Thursday, September 9, 2010, Malcholm Dark
(810) wrote:
I love the dark imagery and the heart-felt prose... well done, thank-you
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On Thursday, September 9, 2010, A Life Without You
(146) wrote:
what a captivating piece, i loved every line. i was quickly submerged within the imagery, beautiful to say the least, bravo friend, one of my favorites
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On Thursday, September 9, 2010, Scarrzz
(238) wrote:
Very kind words, Thank You very much.
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A former member wrote:
this is how i feel walking down the street in autumn. cold and wind blown. empty and dusty but, I relish the mutual feeling for the cold. I know it feels the same despair it feels as I press into it. ~moony
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On Wednesday, May 11, 2011, Scarrzz
(238) wrote:
I may be nearing the place you told me to go, Moongirl. The more I realize there's nothing to hold onto, the easier it is to try letting go. . . some days anyway.
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