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A letter I wrote to a friend who just went through a breakup.

It had some insights that might be beneficial, or at least worth considering, so I'm posting it.

The names were expigated to protect the not-so-innocent.

Thoughts & discussion are welcomed.

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Dang,

I'm really sorry you're hurting. Any time you open your heart, that is the risk you're taking. I often say that love is a kind of conduit through which can flow either greater joy or greater pain than you can experience by any other means.

To love means taking that risk.

Don't let it break you.

You were conflicted. You knew the beginning of pain and recognized the likely outcome, but hoped you were wrong. Living in hope can go either way too, but most often it is prolonging the inevitable.

Or you could sell out and settle for something that you want while accepting what you know will slowly kill your spirit.

At least you didn't spend all of your college years (or more) figuring out that this isn't the path for you. Live, be free, and when you find someone worthy, risk the pain again. The reward is worth taking the chance.

When you're ready.

Take this pain. Wallow in it if you have to, but as soon as you can, embrace the love and leave the pain behind. It will always be with you, but it won't always overwhelm you.

You recognized it, he recognized it. You even did the dirty work of ending the hope when you saw the direction the relationship was going. That really made it much easier on [him ]. Now he can see himself as not having wronged you.

Really, I think the truth is that neither of you are at fault. It was that your natures did not have a good fit. If your natures had fit, neither of you would have been conflicted, and you would have worked out any problems together.

For a relationship to really fly, each must care more for the needs of the other than for themselves. When you take care of him, AND he takes care of you, then everyone is having their needs met and the tendency will automatically be to draw closer.

IF you can find someone whose needs coincide with your own, so you BOTH get satisfaction, then the sky is the limit.

I guess I said I wouldn't give advice unless asked, but I really want to help. I'll try to get it out of my system unless you want more of my ramblings.

My best advice would be to accept yourself ( I think you're pretty cool anyway) but to always strive to be your best. I mean that in many ways. Live life head on, by your own rules, and try to make them good ones. Don't settle for something you know is wrong. Be strong and help others when you can.

Oh, practical, non-emotion driven advice. Strenuous exercise is amazingly beneficial to release the stress hormones and to help the emotions stay on an even keel. When I was at my lowest point, I turned to exercise and it really did help me get through the day. When I went a couple of days without exercising I would lose all motivation for breathing.

If you need an ear, you can call or text & ask me to call you. I know pain pretty well. It will come and go. I will listen if you need to vent. Writing morose poetry is my way of venting.

Until then you have my permission to get a big bag of marshmallows and roast one whenever you feel the need. Imagine the Stay-Pufft Marshmallow Man is the one who hurt you & you are getting him back.

Your Friend,

Me