Dad.

high point police report said the 26th
because thats when he found him
but i know it was on my birthday.

surprises, don't always unwrap themselves
the way you packaged them.

like your plans to visit me on christmas
but i wouldn't have been there if you did

i didn't call on the 23rd. my 21st
no ring on christmas. i couldn't.

but it crossed my mind

something urged me not to.
perhaps the endless ringing
at the other end
had i dialed.

today is your cremation date.
we didn't have the money for
a funeral.

do you know how to write an obituary?
i don't. but i wrote something.

patrick and i are the only ones
to claim you.

i ripped off my acrylic nails last night
with my teeth so i could type it up
in time for the service tonight.

i went to church for the first time
in two years.

who's going to be you now?
because when things like this happen.

you always answered the phone.
i tried to call last night.

in hopes of maybe hearing your voice
one last time

the ringing never stopped.
and you didn't answer the phone

and you'll never know Daddy,
that you were my special one.