Ever Since Never

So Lonely Inside . . .

Oh Dear God I'm Lonely.

No One should have to hurt like this.

Every minute . . . EMPTY

Pressure inside my head to reach out and touch

but you are not there.


In a search for meaning, my mind always comes back to an instant

a frozen feeling locked immobile in the steel blue gaze of your eyes

as you said, "Last night I prayed that this will never happen again."


We will never be together again.

Transfixed by Hopelessness

At that instant my future stopped.


I am standing on the very edge

Overbalanced

In the very act of falling in love with you.


You know that feeling

just as you realize that falling is inevitable?

But I chose to open my heart to you, willingly.

I could never refuse you anything you asked of me.


Before I could touch you, I had to be in love with you.

Only you.

So I let myself fall

risking the very flames of Hell

and knowing that only you were close enough

to catch me and pull me back from that precipice.


I see the horror of the bottomless pit before me

the gut-sick shock of denial as I begin

Forever falling through the fire

that burns away all hope, all joy, all peace.



The torment never ceases, never diminishes.

I traded every gift I had left

to love you.



I am locked in that Eternal Instant

Ever Since Never