where

where did you go?

you
the boy i fell in love with
so many
months
ago

he smiled
whenever we were together
he loved to touch me
he couldn't wait
to see me again

that boy wanted
to trace my every curve
with his tongue

that boy
was full of energy
passion
and fire

that boy loved me
and showed me
he called me
whenever he could
he missed me
he wished i was with him

i thought
you were him
you have the same tan skin
the same cute ass
the same unruly hair-

but
your eyes
they're cold
they're apathetic

where there used to be love
there's shadow
frustration
and resentment

this boy
emotionally destroys me
and blames
the damage
on my inability to cope
and my caring
too
much

this boy
loves weed, alcohol
and the girls who love it with him

unprotected sex
no longer
a statement of trust
and love
but of wanting
to get off

i thought you were him
but this boy
is a monster
he leaves me
crying
every time
and he licks my tears
and smiles

he abandons me
and wonders why
i need reassurance
gets mad at me for it
tells me
to say how i feel
and then slaps me
for my words

this boy
abuses me
this boy
is a demon

i do not love
this boy

and he looks
like you used to look
moves
like you used to move

but his eyes
and words
are frozen solid
and he shrugs off
my tears
as my problem
not his

the boy i met in Boston
made me want to hold him
forever

the boy i met here
the "real" you
makes me want to bleed

this california
hedonist
does not love me

and
i cannot be
with a monster
anymore.