Shutdown

By flying_fox

I think I feel a bit too much
wasted my time on vanity
So scared I am of sickly touch
so scared of my insanity

I never thought I'd be like this
my body's left me crying
What you don't have you never miss
now parts of me are dying

Invisible was my disease
but now my scars are showing
if after death there's no reprise
I want to leave here knowing

that after all I've said and done
my mind's not gone to waste,
I've seen the moon eclipse the sun
I've friends I can't replace

There are machines to help me cleanse
the toxins raging through me
Lasers burn my pupil's lens
such pain to make me see

And if I reach out for your hand
to help me keep on fighting,
I hope that you will understand
if I find death inviting

And though I know I'm not there yet
these thoughts are in my head
See holes all through my safety net
where my body's life has bled

So now I have to wait to learn
what's in my life to fear
I'm scared that now there's no return
and death is far too near.

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.

Published on Sunday, January 18, 2004. Filed under: "Poetry"

Comments on "Shutdown"

A former member wrote: wow this is so damn awesome *thumbs up*
On Saturday, September 30, 2006, urbanhumility (1158) wrote:

you have given solace to some of my fear........well done.........urban
On Sunday, May 22, 2005, rondant (58) wrote:

nice work...Ronda
A former member wrote: i don't want to say wow because everyone has said that...i would say....very exquisite, you make it seem death is more horrible then it sounds.very nice.
On Sunday, November 14, 2004, yslehc (334) wrote:

wow i cant believe i havent read this one yet... awesomeness.. one of my favorites
A former member wrote: this poem flows so beautifully, and speaks such truth. it's lovely
A former member wrote: Great poem..i can really relate to most of it. Keep up the good work!!!
On Tuesday, March 30, 2004, Mistress Morbid (405) wrote:

Wow.... -Morb
On Tuesday, March 30, 2004, K_Love (525) wrote:

Wow.. I feel this a great deal. This is a wonderful piece ~Kirsten~
On Friday, March 19, 2004, Mute Serenade (389) wrote:

Flows wonderfully, i especially adore the last stanza.... ->Mayor of Chump City
A former member wrote: This makes me hope all the more it isn*t that disease :( Kudos for you for having actually lived through it, I doubt I*d have the heart you do!
A former member wrote: I love it. Very good Poem all around.
On Friday, March 5, 2004, BoldSolitude (214) wrote:

Man, I had to read this twice, it's the second poem of yours that is going onto my favorites
On Friday, March 5, 2004, BoldSolitude (214) wrote:

I'm glad I became a member so I can express my gratitude for those like you that inspire me. This really spoke to my soul.
On Friday, March 5, 2004, girlafraid (479) wrote:

i think this way too sometimes..."So now I have to wait to learn what's in my life to fear" like maybe living is more fright inducing that death....
On Thursday, February 26, 2004, nightshade (118) wrote:

just know that i am willing to be your safety net your an outstanding person one i hope to even coming close to match i love your wrtings and this one will be a favorite
On Monday, February 9, 2004, cre (410) wrote:

wow, this is a fabulous write . . one of the first I've read from you and I am not disappointed . . I love what you managed to express in such a beautifully written way. Nice job.
On Sunday, February 1, 2004, LoneWolf (33) wrote:

Wow, fox, I really enjoyed reading this poem... it reminds me of things I've gone through and ways I've felt before. Keep up writing. ~*~Lone Wolf~*~
On Sunday, February 1, 2004, OLd SouL (717) wrote:

Wonderful flow. Oh, fear is a wonderous emotion. It tells me I'm alive. I love it in sporatic explosions when my eyes start to glaze. Great job, hun. :::OLd
On Thursday, January 29, 2004, knightmirror (426) wrote:

thumbs up,i enjoyed reading this,i'm sure you'll hear from me again
On Friday, January 23, 2004, A Velvet Tongue (434) wrote:

That last stanza just said it all, brought it home. The flow was right on time..Wow, Welcome to Dp I can see you are just as talented as your beautiful sister.. I cannot wait to read more!..*vel*
On Friday, January 23, 2004, flying_fox (571) wrote:

I wish I was as talented! Thank you so much. FF xx
A former member wrote: "I want to leave here knowing that after all I've said and done my mind's not gone to waste," I love these lines. And your flowing verse is awesome!
On Sunday, January 18, 2004, purr_verse (1052) wrote:

the honesty and soul/fear/pain you have imbued this piece with is so deeply moving...you know i love it. purr
On Sunday, January 18, 2004, flying_fox (571) wrote:

the fear is always there as you know, but as someone once said, 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.
On Sunday, January 18, 2004, capt_funguy (777) wrote:

i read this one and the others , really beautiful , i look forward to more - funguy
On Sunday, January 18, 2004, flying_fox (571) wrote:

Thank you so much Capt'n. It's quite a scary experience putting your works 'out there'...your encouragement is much valued.
On Sunday, January 18, 2004, Alanarchy (1168) wrote:

"So scared I am of sickly touch so scared of my insanity"... This poem OWNED me. beautiful in its hopelessness. This is now a favorite.
On Sunday, January 18, 2004, flying_fox (571) wrote:

Wow! This means a great deal to me. Thank you so very much.