Penitential

By Carmina Gitana

I run my hands blindly over
the rosaries you left behind.
They click together softly, whispering
of loss, remembrance and regret.
They seem to fall into
the Braille of your name,
then tangle, like a necklace twisted
by an impatient hand.

I lose count again. I am on my knees
here in the dark, where nobody can touch me
in pity or violence. I am on my knees.
I pray to the master.
I count again, my lips
moving silently, my mouth
dry as my nights.

* * *
I still think I had no choice.
If we carried pieces of one another,
it was not all we carried, and those pieces
were not all we lacked.

We built ourselves from spare
parts we found in junkyards, or stole
from the nightstands of the few
we fooled. We held ourselves together
with glue we made by boiling bones
that were much too broken
to be of any other use.
The cloaks we wore were old, stained,
and old-fashioned. We
would have taken them off, but
we had long ago lost our skin.

We were two teetering spectacles
of fabulous catastrophe,
and people came to look at us, believing
there were great truths in our ugliness.
Maybe there were. But how
could two wrecks lean on one another
without falling apart?

* * *
I close my eyes. I huddle deeper
into darkness. I earned this ache.

I do not seek escape. I never really did.

I count the beads again. My punishment
is always to lose count before I find the one
on which you wrote my name. 

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2012 Carmina Gitana
Published on Friday, September 9, 2016.     Filed under: "Poetry"
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Comments on "Penitential"

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  • A former member wrote: really enjoyed this

  • A former member wrote: please come back. i'm in love with your voice.

  • Melancholic VIncent On Sunday, June 10, 2012, Melancholic VIncent (431)By person wrote:

    Sounds a sad love story, like two people that don't fit together but tried everything to fit. It's my interpretation. Good poetry

  • Dominic On Thursday, June 7, 2012, Dominic (55)By person wrote:

    The only problem I have with your poetry is that it's too good. You're making us look bad :) Genius!

  • Sean Mc Shane On Wednesday, May 23, 2012, Sean Mc Shane (615)By person wrote:

    Excellent C, absolutely excellent. I haven't prayed the Rosary since I was a Catholic school kid in Phila. I could say so much more, but I will simply say - Outstanding. Til next time -

  • dwells On Monday, May 14, 2012, dwells (4288)By person wrote:

    Impressed that you know how glue is made, and I feel the third stanza pretty much says it all, eloquently and completely. Sorrowfully wrought and solemnly profound, thanks Carmina.

  • FadedBlues On Sunday, May 13, 2012, FadedBlues (2172)By person wrote:

    ...'built from spare parts in junkyards' & other descritions here evoke images comparable to photos of the hopelessly poor during the Great Depression...heartwrenching.

  • Nehema On Sunday, May 13, 2012, Nehema (962)By person wrote:

    Wow, amazingly powerful. Thank you so much for sharing this - beautiful - and what poetry is all about. Scholar

  • blue On Sunday, May 13, 2012, blue (1454)By person wrote:

    Something deep and knowing trembles within me upon reading this..... this is poetry, indeed, a true and affecting read. ~b

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