Sullen Thoughts

Further and faster
down this spiral
you're tumbling; blind.
happy go lucky. Stupidity
ruling your countenance.
Had I had a skilled hand
with brush and color
I'd paint you holding a mirror.
For that's all you see.

Yet you don't.

My dear sister.
and i blame myself...as your
example. But, ... you don't look to me
for advice. Only supplies.
That hungry monster
behind your eyes
craved addiction before I
couldn't stop it had I tried.

...but now you bring our brother.
So sweet. innocent.
It is enough that he knows...
but you shove it down his
throat as he's forced to watch
you play it out.
Influencing his tender mind,
solely by fact that...
he loves you.
He wants to be your friend.
So he lies... claims he's indifferent.
Being led down the rocky
path of mistakes in which
you travel.

I'm sure you look to me.
shocked!
For I was as nonchalant
and stupefied
as you remain.
... I have changed...
This growth in my womb
so causes that.
For how can I be...?
How can I mother,
if I am but a child?
Never.
Never would I have exposed you,
so young, to my ways. as you do him.

I don't want it for you.
i didn't...

i could plea and grovel.
it is a decision for you
to make.
I only hope it comes before
ashes in the wind
is all that remains
of you.
...I love you.
please understand..........