Loving Nightmare


Uneasily I wait for sleep,
Praying that my soul I keep,
To He up high and He below,
So child-like, it is; I know!

But wiser men should gamble not,
Nor anti in this game,
Refrain in whole, lest one hand wrought,
The prices paid for fame.

I roll around beneath my sheet,
On pillow rolls my head,
And with her Love hope not to meet,
A sea of scarlet red.

I toss and turn, awake I last,
Whilst in her loving arms,
Insanity as hours past,
She’d keep me all from harms.

Though finally, I am too tired,
To stay awake for more,
So in her arms my dreams are sired,
Of horrid, violent war.

I dream I am a young boy who,
Is forced in arms to fight,
And life of others to undo,
As cannon shells take flight.

I snap awake, in pool of sweat,
And like an infant crying,
In her lap, my head is set,
I know I am not dying.

“It’s just a dream, no need to fear.”
She held me close and tight;
She speaks softly, she wipes my tear,
“I’ll help thee through this night.”

So in her arms I lay there so,
My head upon her breast,
Her love and warmth I know
But is it safe to rest?

Uneasily I fall asleep,
Hoping still that I may keep,
My sanity, my love and life,
Lest I be dead, by gun or knife.

I see the Nightmare land again,
The Sorrow which is brought,
And Misery that follows pain,
My soul again is bought.

She see’s my body held in sleeping,
She gently strokes my hair,
She holds me even tighter weeping
“Oh please keep safe, I’ll see you there!”

Respite she had for her own life,
She could not help me then,
So she took up a kitchen knife,
She would not breathe again.

Unable was she then to aid,
Me in my Nightmare’s pain,
So with the help of simple blade,
She fell, asunder torn and slain.

I felt the jolt within my heart,
My soul and body cold,
My being torn apart,
I needed not be told.

I knew the pain and what it meant,
I knew she had been slain and sent,
I prayed her soul would rise above,
And blessed be her, with my Love.

But then what was to be I found,
She lay right next to me in ground,
For she and I were in Hell bound,
What hope I had left then was downed.

I saw her soul put up on high,
It was a plague to see,
“It’s quite a shame.” I heard Death sigh,
As he took her from me.

“Avast you bastard let her go!”
I shouted and I cried,
Death said “Be gone, I’ll have you know:
She has already died!”

I fell back into consciousness,
I felt the blood flow free,
I drowned myself in hopelessness,
And Suicide in me.

Thus I revisit hated sleep,
And seek out ways to die,
Life, I no longer wish to keep,
So by her side I lie.

Uneasily, I wait for wake,
Though happy life, I doth forsake,
A new way through this Hell I make,
Drowning in this poison lake.

Now do you see why I can’t share,
The Hell that is this endless nightmare,
Alas, be seen why I can’t care,
Lest her memory be lost within air.

There is no happy ending here,
No hope for more salvation,
Hell’s fire my soft skin can sere,
So I’ll have liberation!

I’ll dream and hate and dream some more!
I’ll cry and fade away to lore,
Within Hell’s bloody, scarlet shore,
I shan’t awake, no nevermore!