i thought


"i am lost in the current
drowned in the airwaves
the drama
the trauma
of being a teenager
in a fucked up world

it's all too fast here

this coast rushes

it streams
it crashes into the shore
it freezes one day
and burns you the next

it is a life of extremes
of realized dreams
of making shit happen
at the price
of meditaion
contemplation
and a way to pause

gotta find a way to
go
slow

one foot on the gas
one foot on the brake

keep flying through life
faster
more productive
longer working hours
but better pay
does life begin and end
in these pursuits?
so successful
but oh so tired?

or stop
get out of the shell
out of the pod
open your arms
to all that is
and all that will be
without trying to understand
trying
to grab hold?"

alone i ponder
just drinking a little scotch
to heat the heart
on a chilly night

he's gone

i'm alternately perfectly fine with that
and somewhat hurt
not surprised, however
i seduce
just as well
as i push away

now
left with ripped up photos
and poetry
in my hands
i lick my wounds

are they broken pieces of my life
or confetti
to celebrate the dawn?

is california
my giant X
on my pirate map
my last stop
as i fight my way through everything
slash my way
through lovers
through family
still hunting
for the treasure
of identity?

the wind tickles my ear
seductive
sweeter than any lover
and more fickle

it whispers hope-

"just

breathe



breathe life
breathe joy
breathe fear
and fury
into the beginning
into the new

decide you're done
with all this angst
pay your toll
and go on through

you don't need anyone
to decide what's real
no validation
for what is true

just go ahead-
take this world
and bite off more
than you can chew




believe in this




believe in you"



such true elemental philosophy-

i exhale him

and inhale me