When I Lost

since 5-year old dreams
of the tooth fairy and christmas trees
I've known I was something wrong
a little off
the note that only broke the song
dreams of friends
were the quickest to end
relationships were made
"but soon enough they'll know
it's all a big mistake"

it's never been easy to ignore that voice
giver of life and thief of choice
and in my darkest days
when the world I built is falling away
you make the decision to agree
to crush my heart
to break me.

"she was right when she said anyone who ever loved you
would soon enough see the error of their ways"

Now I'm watching as the stars fade
but I don't expect to see the day
for I needn't gaze past the swinging blinds
to see that the sun will no more rise

for in every place the light has died
where the wind blows and far inside

the truth is something I've always known
But I lost when I ever dared
To hope.