Unconvinced

I.

It was his confidence, originally...
so enticing as it invited me in
a personality quite repulsive to most
...except for. to me.
I. was so excited!
Delighted, as finally I found
my match.
A darkness that wanted to play back
to get dirty, down right.
Without a thought to consequence,
I jumped in!
... Only "K" didn't jump with me...

Still, to this day
above me he stands,
leaning over... watching me
with vague interest.
And I try to look convincing
as I splash and play.
Float in relaxation
under warm heavens.
But the longer I linger
alone,
the more frantic I become.
Why wont he take that leap?
Why wont he join me?
Was it all for the cards
and ego
that he seduced me with those
intense eyes
Just to watch me suffer,
alone?!


II.

Maybe.
Perhaps.                      ...it's just my time to lose.
It's only fair to allow
at least one heart  slide by
unblemished.
As I hang my head
attempting to fill myself with humility
in my defeat
my surroundings turn translucent,
as though now I'm curled
upon puffy clouds, gazing below.

And that's how I spotted him
A  lover lost...,
"A" we so recently called him.
At the most highest point,
he kneels,
calling to me
repedatively.  Pleading my attention
Worshipping me as a Goddess...
Dreaming,
lingering and yearning..

And I wonder how
never before had I noticed.
"A" calls to me
as I call to "K"
...And between the two
AK
surely my death will be claimed.
For no simple soul could
survive a piercing that intense.


III.

I turned above
cuddling cotton
gaze set upon the Gods now,
in thought.
It would be so easy
to slip back into that welcomed
embrace
like sinking into a warm bath.
So familiar
so perfect
as the heat
combed through my hair
and hydrated my pores...

Alas... my strength is also named
the latch for my casket...
For never have I given
into convenience
taking pavement over
rough terrain.

For shall I remember
it is not the end
result,
but the lessons learned
along the way.


.
.
 But, I pray thee,
please!
I just wish at my end
when my bruises have healed
and these cuts stitched up,
after I have fought
and won!
That I might find peace
awaiting me,
passed that ribbon...