I Smile as I Die

By Butterfly

It was good to laugh again
In the darkness I had forgotten how
But you opened up my heart
And made me reevaluate myself

I love to sit and watch you
As you gaze into my soul
All those heartfelt looks
Shattered through the cold

My life was so unbearable
As I cut and made the scars
I hid behind the black
To cover all my fears

Never had I learned till then
I couldn't hide from my memory
Even wanting to forget them
They'll always be inside of me

Then you came along
Like a snowflake in July
Showed exactly who I was
And helped me through my lie

You showed me that you loved me
And looked at me with those eyes
Something moistened my pale face
As I began to cry

A feeling of regret crept in
When I realized what I had done
I had chased away the pain
And put my sorrows on the run

You showed me how to be loved once
And I showed you I was strong
I felt the raw emotion
And knew it wasn't wrong

Then one godless fateful night
While you were driving all alone
Then the Lady felt it right
To bring you before her throne

Then I found myself again
Dressed up all in black
As the eulogy echoed in my ears
The memories came flooding back

My tears fell soft and freely
As I thought of what I'd lost
You were the only one that had truly seen me
And now you knew the cost

Everyone around me
Looked at me with accusing eyes
"Look at what you did to him,
By filling his heart with all your lies."

I sat and truly cried that night
I really didn't care
In my hand a carving knife
Oh how I was scared

And once again I cut myself
A deep line across my wrists
No longer would I mutilate
Just to look at all my scars

All alone in a tiny room
I let the blood run free
I looked up at a picture of you
Smiling down at me

The pain only lasts a minute
As it numbs away my life
As you smiled in Death's vision
I smile as I die



Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2004 Erica Kemp
Published on Tuesday, August 10, 2004.     Filed under: "Fiction" and "Poetry"
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Comments on "I Smile as I Die"

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  • Darkest_Addiction On Tuesday, July 4, 2006, Darkest_Addiction (44)By person wrote:

    to find hope an then have it ripped away from you...that is true pain i'm so sorry

  • mywristshurt On Tuesday, April 18, 2006, mywristshurt (408)By person wrote:

    it is the most beautiful poem i've seen yet on this site... and thats a lot.. it really looks like you cared a lot for this person, and you dont know how much i can relate.. favorites, here i come

  • Kinkypoptart On Tuesday, April 19, 2005, Kinkypoptart (555)By person wrote:

    very sad... but very talented and awesome ~*~Tart~*~

  • A former member wrote: aww..love it..^^..sad..buh love it..

  • Butterfly On Thursday, October 7, 2004, Butterfly (99)By person wrote:

    Thank you once again. I appreciate the comments.

  • A former member wrote: Beautifully written...Love it!!!

  • A former member wrote: It is heartbreaking and so real, I love it very much it is a great piece of work

  • Butterfly On Wednesday, October 6, 2004, Butterfly (99)By person wrote:

    Thank you both. This is probably my best piece. In my eyes at least.

  • Butterfly On Tuesday, August 10, 2004, Butterfly (99)By person wrote:

    Hey you. I haven't seen you in the forum lately. Don't let them get you down. :) L8rs.

  • Simply Me On Tuesday, August 10, 2004, Simply Me (40)By person wrote:

    This is so heart breaking. I remember it from the open forum but had forgotten how sad it was. Great work :)


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