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next to you.
By toy soldier
i sit here thinking
thinking of what to say
what to say to make
make your pain go away
all you ever gave me
is just what any one would want
and when you'd say i love you
i played it nonchalant
but now its too late
late to take it back
because im the one that made
made your heart become so black
and now i see you're happy
its hard to say, but true
you're much happier with out me
standing next to you.
Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited.
Ask the author first.
Copyright 2004 toy soldier
Published on Friday, July 30, 2004.
Filed under:
"Poetry"
Comments on "next to you."
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A former member wrote:
This flows through a spectrum of emotions nicely.
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A former member wrote:
i like this quite a bit. it feels a tad forced at times but overall its good. i always find that going back to a piece once im removed from the situation helps me to improve the poem
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On Monday, January 10, 2005, stormtalk
(729)
wrote:
The repetition of words definitely adds to the hesitation and feeling of regret behind this... I enjoyed how it moved from compassion to nonchalance to guilt... it was both masterful and simple.
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A former member wrote:
I like this piece of yours best.
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On Monday, November 29, 2004, Crystal Passion
(221) wrote:
Nice piece, a blackened heart is better than heartless anyday.
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A former member wrote:
i like it...its beautiful!
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On Sunday, October 17, 2004, lordshadow
(153) wrote:
Short is sometimes best... you're awesome.
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On Wednesday, September 29, 2004, Savannah
(218) wrote:
this is so sad.. you sound deeply sorry for hurting this person
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On Saturday, September 25, 2004, darkangelXlll
(108) wrote:
wow this is real good.. even though i felt like it should be longer... ~darlin :)
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On Saturday, September 25, 2004, Six-Out
(1435) wrote:
It seems....short. I like this for where it can go...add to it, and it'll be great... I can feel it.
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A former member wrote:
i think you need to keep writing you got that
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A former member wrote:
The thought behind this is pure, but the rhyme seems a bit forced. Show us some of your non-rhyming works.
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On Monday, August 9, 2004, Butterfly
(99) wrote:
Baby this is so awesome. I hate when you say you can't write. Loved it. *~*Black-Heart*~*
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On Thursday, August 5, 2004, Whisper
(112) wrote:
A nice write, but it needs a ttle :) -BT-
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On Saturday, July 31, 2004, sixsixnine
(477) wrote:
i agree! except i think this is a master piece! *669*
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On Friday, July 30, 2004, Soulseeker
(108) wrote:
Very good write.... Bethany
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A former member wrote:
I liked it , and the flow was okay.Good Job.
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