I tried to do the impossible.
I tried to live for you.
Through you.
Each day in feigned confidence
giving myself 'pep' talks
for your benefit.
-I aimed high
and fought harder.
....but for what?
------------
I'll give you a sappy love song
fill your page with sexual desires;
pretend that I care.
And is that how this time's been wasted?
...by pretending?

You say you love me.
Really... you love being loved.
you. love. you

Meanwhile in my chosen "imprisonment"
I haven't lived my life in 2 years!
..........................*i haven't lived.*

I found my fault today.
The cover for my infatuation
with misery....
it is the warm body beside me.
As long as I have. someone.
I am content.

Used.
suppressing = depression
forming = self esteem
holding = vulnerability


I shed that porcelain skin
black and grime caked.
A shell that burst into dust.
.I. did not stretch free,
instead curling upon myself
eyes darting around.
R a w









(so must I rebuild this foundation
for now I birth with dirt.)---