clarity

when i am apart from you i realize how much i adore you.
it’s in the simple things- the socks you leave beside the bed
the toothbrush next to mine, the faint scent of your habits in the curtains.
somehow i don’t mind your presence, even when it clutters mine.
is this love? this feeling of fondness for your idiosyncrasies?
or is this madness taken to a new level? i don’t know
and, frankly, i’ve realized i’m old enough not to care
if you’re what’s best for me. i no longer live in the tomorrows
that may or may not ever come. i live and love for now. and for now
for now you are brilliant. you shine over my life like a sharp blade
like stardust.

i have never written a poem for you. i said, and still maintain
that the lack of drama in my life does not lend itself to my creativity.
i am happy with you, a new emotion, and the words just do not come
unless you aren’t here with me. i guess i underestimated
just how much you distract me from myself. i am in love with you.
more than i’d admit to in the public eye. you are what i loved in my every ex
distilled into caramel skin and brown molasses eyes, like whiskey
and i’m drunk on the memories of your caress.

distance may make the heart grow fonder, but it clarifies these things.

i will remember this, i hope, the next time you leave dishes in the sink.