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There could be a number of reasons* why you didn't know that Backstreet was back, but none of those reasons are very likely. You've heard them on the radio. You've seen them on MTV. If you're sadomasochistic, you've played them on your stereo. Backstreet's back.

The Boss here at Blasphemedia wanted a hard hitting, highly ethical and supremely informative article describing what the band has been up to during their break from being "musicians". Instead He got this article. Apologies for the following content can be located at the rear of this article.




Blasphemedia (BM) - I'm sitting here with Brian, Kevin, Nick, Howie and A.J. from the Backstreet Boys who have recently re-established their careers as a boy band. OK, my first question... why did you guys split up in the first place?

Nick - Being in a band is like being in a relationship...

BM - ...So there's a lot of compromises and arguments and all that, then?

Nick - ...Well, yeah... I guess. I was really talking more about sex. What's a relationship without sex? A waste of my time, that's what. Once A.J. stopped putting out it all turned to shit pretty quickly and -

A.J. - Hey, that's not how I remember it happening! Who did we find in the sauna with the Spanish gigolo and ten litres of KY? And what about the time with those circus dwarves and the Ribbed Trojan -

BM - OK... OK... I didn't mean to open up old wounds - I mean... well... let's move on, shall we? You're on tour at the moment, how's that been going?

Brian - Oh, simply fabulous darling. It's like we never left. Literally. The fans are still pre-pubescent which is great because they scream so much you can't tell when the voice-over equipment breaks down...

Howie - Yeah, but, I mean, sometimes it can be hard, when your groupies are all little pubeless boys. You can't be too careful these days. You need to be as rich as Michael Jackson to get away with that kind of stuff these days...

BM - Oh. Ahem... ahhhh right! Next question. What did you get up to in those years between your previous and latest albulms?

Brian - What? You haven't heard? We've been acting, honey!

BM - Acting? Oh, um, I didn't realise (sound of paper shuffling) so how did that come about?

A.J. - Oh, you'd be surprised at the contacts you can make at industry parties and so on.

BM - I see. What was the transition like, then, between the music and film industries?

Kevin - Actually, it was surprisingly easy. There wasn't much difference in the amount of cock we had to suck. We just started doing it in front of cameras.

BM - ... ... ... you became porn stars?

Nick - We don't like that negative label thanks. We prefer "Performers Of Outstanding Flesh Techniques And Styles."

BM - I guess you're all part of the Film Actors Guild too, then? Anyway... I'm lost. Did you have anything you'd like to add before I run away and scrub every part of my body with sand and soap and solvents until the filth is gone... (sounds of papers being hastily gathered and stuffed into a bag)

Brian - Hmmm... sounds like fun. You need any help?

BM - I don't get paid enough to do this...

Kevin - Well then you should star in our next movie! It's called Backdoor Boys 69: Backdoor's back (again). The CD/DVD set is cumming soon!

















* - Reasons for not realising Backstreet was back include:

1. You live in a cave with no way in or out.
2. You're Ahmish.
3. You're old, in which case you don't know anything.
4. You already shot your TV and radio after the last Backstreet albulm was released.










APOLOGY - Blasphemedia would like to apologise to any dedicated bum-pokers out there. This article is not intended to offend gay people, unless you listen to Backstreet Boys. Then you really should be offended. Perhaps consider getting a life.