on time and mothers and lies

By Rachel

"Time does not bring relief, you all have lied." - Edna St. Vincent Millay

They say it gets easier with time but
apparently they were wrong
as time plays on and
on and I sit here stuck still.
I miss her with each breath
and each tear and each of the other
cliches that proved themselves true
in the end.

Her memories remain ever painful
and I still can't bring myself to look
at the photographs I insisted on keeping.

I fear this will never subside but I fear even more
the knowledge that burned out stars
cannot return simply because I will them to do so.

Why is it that the more permanent something is
the more excruciating it becomes?

And I long for the childish belief that
no one goes away forever
they simply leave for a little while
and will return when I truly need them.
But I know it isn't so as I needed her most
at precisely the moment she died and every moment
since then has only increased it.

And it may have been a year now or it may have been a day
but time has not brought me relief nor clarity nor peace
so I'm forced to believe that was a lie.

And I fear I'll never be done with it.

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.

2009 Rachel

Published on Tuesday, June 9, 2009. Filed under: "Poetry"

Comments on "on time and mothers and lies"

On Monday, July 17, 2017, worm (1149) wrote:

I miss reading your words... come back soon...
On Tuesday, December 13, 2011, Railway_Butterfly (353) wrote:

I do relate to this, very much. As, again.. I imagine that many of us can. I once heard somebody say that a parent doesn't deal with the loss of their child, they simply learn to continue living with their grief.. i'd never heard any pain described in this way before, always hearing the age old sentiment that it all gets easier with time. I found the idea of the former more of a comfort because it allowed me to accept that maybe this pain won't ever go away, instead of waiting for the magical day when I wake up and it's all gone away. When you realise and accept that it could always be a part of you it becomes a thousand times lighter to carry. I hope this makes sense and sounds hopeful, as it's meant to..
On Saturday, May 8, 2010, TropicalSnowstorm (1580) wrote:

"Why is it that the more permanent something is the more excruciating it becomes?" - I relate to the sentiments in this piece very much...I would give anything to have a conversation with my father and sometimes the yearning sad futility of it seems overwhelming. I have no encouragement, I guess, other than I understand how you feel and you are not alone in these thoughts.
On Wednesday, December 16, 2009, Dilated View (582) wrote:

"Why is it that the more permanent something is the more excruciating it becomes?" For sure. This took the wind out of me and left me wondering how I will deal with my issues when my parental unit's times come.
On Saturday, December 12, 2009, Riven Waker (317) wrote:

losin someone can be so painful - but its almost always inevitable - do we truly have friends, loved ones - excellent piece
On Friday, December 11, 2009, carlosjackal (2788) wrote:

The Truth.
A former member wrote: I feel this piece, more than you could ever know. What the hell do "They" know anyway. In my experience, "they'" are quite often wrong. And annoying too. Lovely write. you have my heartfelt condolences.--Draven
On Tuesday, June 9, 2009, Savannah (218) wrote:

This made my heart hurt. Very piercing, indeed.
On Tuesday, June 9, 2009, Savannah (218) wrote:

and btw, i'm so sorry for your loss Darlin
A former member wrote: piercing this is....such sentiment is truly immersing and immense. . hold the beauty close and let everything else go sweetly....blessings.
On Tuesday, June 9, 2009, Withering petals (65) wrote:

It's not time that heals, nor do we really ever heal - so to speak. We forget, each wound, physical and non-physical, even when they do "heal" - still change us - forver, the time as a healer thing is just a really simple way of saying - hey - once you can get yourself to forget, you'll be okay. And somethings are just too much to forget, and somethings just aren't things we WANT to forget - too precious to forget. But we have to live around our pain, work around it, and push it to the back of our minds - or so I'm told. *hugs* and my condolences. ~Withering~
A former member wrote: Ouch. Time heals nothing, especially death. The closer we get to our own, the more we are reminded of those that are already gone, and we get closer with every second of time, no matter how young or old we are. I will cry like it was yesterday if I let myself dwell on my father's death and it's been two and a half years. It doesn't dull; it just hides in the back of your head until you least expect it, then jumps out and hits you with a f-ing Louisville slugger...heartfelt poem and I felt it...