This morning I stepped in a pile of poo
And it got all up in the crease of my shoe.
It would have been fine and would have been good
Except that this pair of shoes were brand new.

If my mother found out, she was sure to kill me.
So I had to make sure she didn't see
This disgusting glop of smelly feces
That some dog left just to aggravate me.

So I got a stick and I tried to remove
Every last piece of detestable poo.
I held my nose while standing on one foot
And moved the stick through the creases in my boot.

This took me at least a half-hour to do.
to get out every last piece of this poo.
Which made me terribly late for school.
I started to panic, this was not cool.

And who of all people happened to walk by
But the school's sexiest, most beautiful guy.
I thought that I would most surely cry.
My life was over, I was going to die.

But seeing as how hes a popular man
He walked on by without the slightest glance.
I'm nonexistent in his "royal land"
I was thankful he was so shallow a man.

So as soon as I saw that the shoe was clean
I raced to school at super-human speed.
And I sat in my desk while the teacher asked me
How late I thought I was allowed to be.

Then she sent me up to the principal
Who picked up the phone and told me to call
My mother and explain to her all.
I was so scared that I stared to bawl.

But I called her up and I told her the tale
With a series of sobs and moans and wails.
And when I told her all that there was to tell
She told me that I still probably smelled.

She meant to make light of my story of woe
But grounded me still for a month to my room
For ruining a brand new pair of shoes
Why did I step in that damn pile of poo?!