By SolApathy



Broken, I burn
Trapped in a cycle in which I never learn
Split personality of spiritual duality
Mental plurality of demons and dreams
How did I get here
Do you hear the screams?
Is it me or you, in this chaos I haven’t a clue
Is it us- - - or is me  & you, too?
Frightened by the reality this may all just be me
Perhaps you were never real in this flaming sea
Molten revelations of one who isn’t quite sure
Precipice of understanding my own thoughts that churn
These are the thoughts in which I burn
Is it worth it to even try --or should I kill us all?
Letting the insanity finally die
Is there the chance I’ll ever be who I once was?
Only me, no other voices to scream at thee
I look from a distance at this splintering tree that is we
Understanding now all the gnarled splits and turns
How the insanity grew until it needed to burn
I hope one day you’ll remember who I once was
Before the chaos of the drugs devoured what it was to be me
Burn me down—I no longer want to be

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2018 SolApathy
Published on Tuesday, January 1, 2019.     Filed under: "Graphic Art"

Author's Note:

...I wish I only needed a trim, alas these are all poisoned limbs...
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Comments on "...Gnarled"

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  • Sorrowful Jester On Tuesday, January 1, 2019, Sorrowful Jester (146)By person wrote:

    One of my worst works, but really reminds me of what you wrote (of course you write a lot better). But I feel like sharing it with you, after reading this and some of your comments. I've never done this before. No need to read it. Honestly.... No worries... https://darkpoetry.org/node/work/181643

  • Sorrowful Jester On Tuesday, January 1, 2019, Sorrowful Jester (146)By person wrote:

    I rated it with a 9 in case I read something better, but this is so far the best thing I've read in D.P. No real critique, just wanted to tell that I love it, and that I know those feeling all too well, which makes it even better. I've even written something (pretty bad) and the first couple of verses and maybe some more here and there from your poem remind me of that. It's pretty bad, I'm not being modest, I know it, and I intend on fixing it, but I'd love you to read it. I'd be honored. S.W.I.M. used to find ways to get high (higher that using opioids / amphetamines) even with medication that you can get without prescription --nothing was enough anymore, he had become too tolerant. Although it was so unhealthy, that even though he didn't get amputated or things that happened to others. There were days like that one when he was trying so hard to find the femoral vein, that he --being unable to find it-- used the artery. He told me he never felt something like that (it was like dying), he just shouted with all of his strength "I'm dying", and then his parents found him with his pants down and a huge (21gauge / 10mL) syringe stuck near his ...

  • Roxxi On Monday, December 31, 2018, Roxxi (31)By person wrote:

    I just wrote a poem called "Gnarled", too! Just between us, yours is way better than mine.

  • SolApathy On Tuesday, January 1, 2019, SolApathy (568)By person wrote:

    I read yours---short but deep. I hope you post more poems. Everyone has their own style that adds character to their words. Keep it up!

  • Roxxi On Tuesday, January 1, 2019, Roxxi (31)By person wrote:

    In recovery, I find I have a lot to say. My poetry will be mostly about recovery, NA, and Dave. They've kinda become my life now.

  • Sorrowful Jester On Tuesday, January 1, 2019, Sorrowful Jester (146)By person wrote:

    S.W.I.M says writing helps. Try philosophy as well. Especially western philosophy (Aristotle's child). It help you focus trying to understand what you're reading that leaves no time to make negative thoughts, or think of substances.

  • Sorrowful Jester On Tuesday, January 1, 2019, Sorrowful Jester (146)By person wrote:

    Good luck man. Drugs, even meds when abused are bad. Try to stay away from everything and use meds just as a way to get a kick on the butt and start doing things, but don't make using them a habit. They are not the means to go where you want to go, but mere tools, that can help you a bit. If you see it the the upside down, then as S.W.I.M. told me, medication withdrawal can be 100times harder than drug withdrawal, and he's not the only person who says so. I wish EVERYONE (especially those who are in pain, have a substance abuse problem, et cetera) a happy new year. May all of your wishes come true (be it health, true love, true happiness, et cetera). Just keep in mind that money / fortune is not the means of acquiring those, but could be used as; tool to acquire them. We seek fortune only in favor something else, because fortune will not bring us any goods by itself, but only when using it --whether is it for the support of the body, or of any other similar reason. Now, the highest good is sought for it's sake and not for the sake of something else. So this essentially means that fortune is not the highest good of humans. You who fight with substance abuse (replace "fortune" with "medication", et cetera). You can do it. S.W.I.M. is a weak, fragile person who was using at least a dozen different meds/drugs, and did it. So if he can, you can too!

  • sTr8-jAcKeT On Monday, December 31, 2018, sTr8-jAcKeT (780)By person wrote:

    Grow from root to limb to rasp, this meaning deep if you take grasp. Very deep, the roots took me in. Thank you for this beautifully written deepness.

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