ive never felt so pathetic
so needy
so unwanted
i fucking hate my life
and everyone in it
i miss my lover
and i fucking hate it
i'm self medicating
mutilating
self fucking hating
i want so badly to go home
into the darkness and lick these wounds
in private
but home is gone
it lays not even in ruins
but locked away in a prison
where i cannot even visit its remains
i can't express-in words, not even in thoughts to myself
i'm left stuttering sentence fragments
incomplete paragraphs punctuated with sobs
and i hate what ive been reduced to and i hate
what i once had and never will again
and all the unhappiness and depression with which i have struggled
doesn't compare in the least with my current state of mind
i have never felt so fucking miserable
so incomplete
i love my child and find satisfaction in being a mother
but its not sustaining me
i'm fucking wasting away
every day no matter how tight i grip onto whatever is around me
i'm sinking -no not sinking
i'm fucking plunging downward uncontollably
never felt so fucked as i do now