last night

my thoughts blew in the coldest draft

and although I was sitting by a window

staring at nothing in particular

an unreasonable chill snapped me out

of a lovely trance

reflecting on your life can be glorious

reflecting on your life can be a sin

in fact, it’s the kind of sin

you commit against yourself

the very same kind you can never forgive

I got up to get a glass of wine

the wine never lies to me

it’s the intoxicating fortune cookie

that lets me dig in

it brings everything back

damned good wine!

now that I’ve got a good buzz going

I ask myself

“have I done right in this world?”

I don’t mean the kind of right

you hear ministers yell from the pulpit

that self righteous pomposity is the song

of an empty soul

I mean the kind of right that keeps the chill away

that damned startling chill

that sneaks through windows

during your fondest musings

“have I done more good than harm?”

I have to answer this

it’s the only way to chase that horrid chill away

I conjure old memories like a time traveling wizard:

I could have been kinder

I should have been kinder

waves of my loud mouthed ego

echo from lingering arguments

when making a point

was more important than making peace

I should have just let it go

what does anyone truly know for certain?

we’re all just visitors

and we act like we’re home