a discussion on anger issues and communication diarrhea

By Jonas

a friend put it this way
he says, jonas you got a slippery transmission
meaning that even though every cylinder is firing
there's nothing wrong with the belts or the timing
that doesn't change the likelihood of a brick wall
stopping me altogether
i really like the accelerator
but would rather imagine possible outcomes
and logical conundrums
than look at where i'm going

i am the most principled in discussion
but my behavior fails to follow these principles
at least not as rigidly as i can preach them

not many were ever openly converted to their opponents view
in the face of condescension and aggravation
i claim to enjoy debate but i don't know if i really know how to do
more than argue

i sometimes think of taking a week long vow of silence
sometimes a month
i don't think a year is a practical goal for me

the shitty thing
it just struck me
is that i am aware of my shortcomings in the restraint department
i am aware that i am not wise. not even close.
however i have not been able to address this part of my personality
at least not effectively

this is why i want to try periods of silence.
not vows of silence. i just realized i used the word vow in adherence
to the cliche vow of silence even though vow is nowhere near the
correct word for the situation

counting to ten is a good thing
the problem is
remembering to do it

maybe i will try a week of silence.

i think there are benefits to be gained.

maybe i wont though and i should address the issue outside
magical cure-alls
really i think it all boils down to confidence and self-image. where i
feel the need to constantly defend that i am a worthwhile human
because i don't feel like i am
i have much to address in my past and i feel like some of it spills
over in ways that i find hard to control. but i don't feel like i can
use that as a crutch either.

i think i just need to try harder. to just change my habits.
convince myself to reign in my tongue
if for only a few moments
so that it doesn't race ahead of my thoughts.


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© 2009 Jonas
Published on Tuesday, May 26, 2009.     Filed under: "Non-Fiction" and "Poetry"
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Comments on "a discussion on anger issues and communication diarrhea "

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  • A former member wrote: This is a good piece to revisit for a realistic perspective. I have tried to do the vow of silence thing myself...it requires living in the woods for an extended period of time, & you may have to give the people at the supermarket or gas station the occasional 'thank you' or 'you're welcome' to keep from being a dick to the world, but someone will find you & make you talk at length eventually. I have tried, though. Not practical at all...unless maybe you find yourself joining the monastery. I'm getting closer & closer to that everyday. This piece has many quotables..."I claim to enjoy debate but I don't know if I really know how to do more than argue" is probably my favorite. I can see parts of this making some people uncomfortable with self-realization, & that's a necessary function. Good goddamn write, Jonas.

  • MercyRain On Tuesday, March 9, 2010, MercyRain (105)By person wrote:

    overcoming the inertia always always makes so much sense up until that moment when we decide to overcome it and then it seems like every reason under the sun comes up to keep direction the same... inertia's a bitch, esp. self-aware inertia

  • DarkPoet On Wednesday, May 27, 2009, DarkPoet (232)By person wrote:

    Always a vacuum cleaner of a title. I think you're not alone here, I find myself babbling idiotically from time to time as well. The wisest man knows what a fool he really is huh? Scholar

  • The Lipstick Factor On Wednesday, May 27, 2009, The Lipstick Factor (290)By person wrote:

    Forgot to mention that I love the humor in the title.

  • The Lipstick Factor On Wednesday, May 27, 2009, The Lipstick Factor (290)By person wrote:

    Very well written introspective piece.

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