I spent the latter part of 1984 searching for the hollow ground of echoing truth
Eschewing youth
Renewing loose fitting answers following questions I'd find myself asking two decades later
In this moment
Twenty years late and timed to the hour:

"Am I so different now?
Have I lost the part of me
That has grown apart from me?"

I thought I felt a change in me
From a deja vu memory I dreamed while sleeping in the arms of my lover's womb
As she whispered nothing's homemade nectar through auburn eyes that never blinked
That never thought twice
To soothe what's lurid turned daymare perpetuated claymore tripwire dreams I dreamt
Caught between a tear and an eyelash
But she never wept
And we'll never last, I dream...

Simply to relive what I have seen
If only to recall in bittersweet sorrow all the songs we used to sing
Hummed to the theme
Of that deja vu memory I used to wake from in cold sweats , I dream...

That I'm 5 again
Going on 25
And I, me, finally see
In three's conceptual dementia
Visual dimensions
Atonal hallucination blasting God through my headphones
Mixing break beat Blessed Be's to the hard cored spoken word broken down measures of all the songs we used to sing, I dream...

Through the pulse of these speakers like a heartbeat pumping what I'm thinking being cancer creeping over my nails eating away the skin of my pen
Bleeding ink
And tearing from an eye I only claim to have opened
Though never quite sure
I never quite did
And we never quite were, I dream...

Of that laughter
All that wanting
The betrayal, becoming, begetting, belonging
Denial, concerning
All while discerning
If she was ever with me
Or within me
Or if she depen't on me
To pretend to be
The promise prevented
To be...the prayer offended caught in a breath lung softened and offered to the wind blown dizzy
Pollen virgin daisy
Solemn oats we sew - - Forgive me...
As I tend to give power to amends rooted deeply on a roll of thunder through clinched fist and grit teeth
Tongue and cheek resurrection
Insurrection of the meek, I dream...

Of fallen Empresses
Queens of wear'ed skies
Of sunshined smiles biting through errant lies
Guided swiftly through the eyes of a Northern Star that never ceased to glow for me
As I try to find her voice in this sea of endless screams
Though every time she speaks the truth the truth aint what it seems
And honesty, honestly, is no cause to me
A flaw to me that oughtta be outlawed and resolved through bloody fucking conflict
A con to me
Victims of conflict
Don't lie to me, We'll never find it

Not here.

Not with me.

Certainly not within me...




I'm 25 now, going on reborn
Abstinate and clear minded
Refreshed and rebirth
And it is in this moment I dream
That I was never really sure
That I never really did
That we never really were.

I dream.