Ferverous Vagaries
By hate_doll
If it were left to me,
my body would depart
from matter, and everything
kinetic and static in between
would be meaningless, temporal.
My nerves would make love
to the tide, cradled in the ocean,
as the moon gently rocked us.
I would be an embassador
to the core of the earth.
Fire would be nothing to me
but a diplomatic ally, as
we danced under meteors
and fossils of dinosaurs.
If it were left to me,
the intersection between
them and us would not
be a battleground,
where heroes are praised
for dirty tricks and tactics.
Statues wouldn't stand in vain,
sobbing for the culture lost
in Hollywood lifelessness.
My wishes would come true
And my dreams would bloom
...whytt*06
[[needs stronger ending, I know]]
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© 2006 whitney bash
Published on Monday, April 17, 2006.
Filed under:
"Poetry"
Comments on "Ferverous Vagaries"
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On Thursday, September 21, 2006, TropicalSnowstorm
(1580) wrote:
This was a very beautiful vision with great imagery - I agree with your last statement, though...however, I don't think what you ended with is bad, so much as it just shouldn't be the end.
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On Thursday, September 21, 2006, TropicalSnowstorm
(1580) wrote:
I think the section before the last two lines would serve well for a middle stanza, and hen the last two lines could start a new stanza of about the same length as the first one.
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On Thursday, September 21, 2006, TropicalSnowstorm
(1580) wrote:
I love the word choices and imagery so much in the first section that I think it should end with something similar. So far, you covered "your temporal shell", "society" and it might be natural to end with an
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On Thursday, September 21, 2006, TropicalSnowstorm
(1580) wrote:
exploration of your relationship to other people (or a particular person) in a last stanza, where you explore physical limitations to the kind of soul to soul intimacy you are exploring in terms of your environment in the first section.
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On Thursday, September 21, 2006, TropicalSnowstorm
(1580) wrote:
Anyway, that's just my two cents worth - it looks from the posting date that maybe you have set this one aside long enough to allow yourself to come back to it freshly. As I say, lovely piece! Ciao, T/S
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On Tuesday, April 18, 2006, Blood of Winter
(296) wrote:
Damn you for being such a gifted writer, everytime I read you I am reminded of why I can stop coming back.
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A former member wrote:
I'm left wanting more.. insatiable.. your conviction is astounding.. gods, how I've missed your words. I want to sing them lullabies.
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On Monday, April 17, 2006, NikesRain
(1240) wrote:
it's still lovely and painted such vivid moving pictures and thoughts, smoothly done and said.... and by the way... welcome back.. we missed you ;)