Ferverous Vagaries

By hate_doll

If it were left to me,

my body would depart

from matter, and everything

kinetic and static in between

would be meaningless, temporal.

My nerves would make love

to the tide, cradled in the ocean,

as the moon gently rocked us.

I would be an embassador

to the core of the earth.

Fire would be nothing to me

but a diplomatic ally, as

we danced under meteors

and fossils of dinosaurs.



If it were left to me,

the intersection between

them and us would not

be a battleground,

where heroes are praised

for dirty tricks and tactics.

Statues wouldn't stand in vain,

sobbing for the culture lost

in Hollywood lifelessness.



My wishes would come true
And my dreams would bloom


...whytt*06

[[needs stronger ending, I know]]

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
© 2006 whitney bash
Published on Monday, April 17, 2006.     Filed under: "Poetry"
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Comments on "Ferverous Vagaries"

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  • TropicalSnowstorm On Thursday, September 21, 2006, TropicalSnowstorm (1703)By person wrote:

    This was a very beautiful vision with great imagery - I agree with your last statement, though...however, I don't think what you ended with is bad, so much as it just shouldn't be the end. Scholar

  • TropicalSnowstorm On Thursday, September 21, 2006, TropicalSnowstorm (1703)By person wrote:

    I think the section before the last two lines would serve well for a middle stanza, and hen the last two lines could start a new stanza of about the same length as the first one. Scholar

  • TropicalSnowstorm On Thursday, September 21, 2006, TropicalSnowstorm (1703)By person wrote:

    I love the word choices and imagery so much in the first section that I think it should end with something similar. So far, you covered "your temporal shell", "society" and it might be natural to end with an Scholar

  • TropicalSnowstorm On Thursday, September 21, 2006, TropicalSnowstorm (1703)By person wrote:

    exploration of your relationship to other people (or a particular person) in a last stanza, where you explore physical limitations to the kind of soul to soul intimacy you are exploring in terms of your environment in the first section. Scholar

  • TropicalSnowstorm On Thursday, September 21, 2006, TropicalSnowstorm (1703)By person wrote:

    Anyway, that's just my two cents worth - it looks from the posting date that maybe you have set this one aside long enough to allow yourself to come back to it freshly. As I say, lovely piece! Ciao, T/S Scholar

  • Blood of Winter On Tuesday, April 18, 2006, Blood of Winter (296)By person wrote:

    Damn you for being such a gifted writer, everytime I read you I am reminded of why I can stop coming back.

  • A former member wrote: I'm left wanting more.. insatiable.. your conviction is astounding.. gods, how I've missed your words. I want to sing them lullabies.

  • NikesRain On Monday, April 17, 2006, NikesRain (1298)By person wrote:

    it's still lovely and painted such vivid moving pictures and thoughts, smoothly done and said.... and by the way... welcome back.. we missed you ;)

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