buzzkill
By Jonas
her best friend suggests that maybe she talk to someone
you know
like a therapist
the weight of her grey
is just getting everyone
so down
so why don't you take it elsewhere,
sister
get your head on straight
don't bring me down
yea, don't bring me down
(*)
i think cinderella stories
set
an impossible precedent
'cause once charming has done all
he can do
for the ego and the libido
the grass
across the way
in the pastures of
prince financial security
inevitably adopt
an indominable shade of green
***
and charming's charms
they fade even as passion's flame
had
and he ages
his house all overgrown with ivy and
other crawlers
and children, these years later,
wont go near his doorstep
a mad scientist
a crazy mister strange
doctor frankenstien
arcane fabrications of twisted metal
odd machines, dancing
diodes
electrodes
bubbling beakers with thick wafts of nauseus gasses
cascading from the lip down the sides and
disappearing
***
then the peasants
some with torches
ran him through with pitchforks
and cinderella didn't remember his face
as his picture flashed
the incident recapped on the evening news
(*)
and her best friend sometimes wonders whatever became of her
saw each other
less and less
after that conversation that was more the product of
the previous night's bender
than anything more substantive
just a hangover
her eyes
the last night her best friend saw her
held nothing but she was cordial
in passing mentioned dallas
where she had family
supposed the desert was as good a place as any for her
hard to stay gray under so much sun
remembers the swimming hole when they were kids
in northern california
such still water
such still water
much less seemed to matter
they laughed and splashed and flung themselves from
the rope swing
momentarily disturbing the surface
such still water her best friend had to wonder
what was under the dirty sheets of
her dreams
had to think of something different
it was bringing her down
Comments on "buzzkill"
-
A former member wrote:
I see Jonas as the archetypal teenager who grows-up exposing to the very normal things boys usually undergo. Maybe perhaps if we could make this into a Song....? I'd love to hear it being Sung. Great Job!
-
A former member wrote:
this is so mature and intellectually engaging... you have quite a knack for spinning tales throughout your work and coming back to a place of ample perspective, such that there is real development throughout...
-
A former member wrote:
the beginning is simply beyond true and the fading charms and all the green pastures... excellent capture of times metaphysical weight... mmm mmm tasty
-
On Wednesday, March 24, 2004, Solace
(1065) wrote:
This is poetry, in its purest form, meaning wrapped in story, wrapped in tin foil of myth and thoughts, rambling inexorably, better yet implorably to an end, so very sane...
-
On Sunday, February 8, 2004, TropicalSnowstorm
(1580) wrote:
"i think cinderella stories set an impossible precedent 'cause once charming has done all he can do for the ego and the libido the grass across the way" - fantastic
-
On Sunday, February 8, 2004, TropicalSnowstorm
(1580) wrote:
set-up, and I love the way prince charming evolves into Frankenstein. You have a great style! Ciao, T/S
-
On Sunday, February 1, 2004, LoneWolf
(33) wrote:
Fish you're a great writer, you've got lots of talent... I can't decide which of your poems I like the most, but this one is really good. ~*~Lone Wolf~*~
-
On Friday, January 30, 2004, sweetambrosia
(80) wrote:
nice job dispelling the fairytales... it's sad that this is reality. --sweets
-
On Friday, January 30, 2004, Dancing_Monkey
(1228) wrote:
the sense of fairy tales and girls being best friends.. maybe itø's time to grow up and realise a dedication to another person. but when enough is enough theres nothing left but egoism and hollow words.
-
On Friday, January 30, 2004, Dancing_Monkey
(1228) wrote:
as allready stated. you rule the words by your wishes. I love it and your going to my favorits for being able to keep writing new tales of what it is to live. Monkey aka Peter
-
On Thursday, January 29, 2004, Stranger
(263) wrote:
Your unique use and command of language is unsurpassed. You are able to so fluidly move from scene to scene that the reader is completely unaware of the transition. Making the whole experience a single cohesive flow; a pouring liquid experience.
-
On Thursday, January 29, 2004, capt_funguy
(777) wrote:
just such fluid recall ... like you catch the story before it's never told - help it to get beautiful , and then give it away - thankyou --- funguy
-
On Wednesday, January 28, 2004, Seraphic
(209) wrote:
Hm...I'm trying to figure this out, but all I get is the vision of a familiar face, a girl I once knew who supresses her passion in everything...it's like a spiral, I like it, very much *~seraph~*
-
A former member wrote:
a buzz kill indeed. As usual you are a brilliant writer and this work is no exception. But I do have to say that "in the desert" it's actually EASIER to be grey BECAUSE of all this motherf***ing sunshine. Then again that might just be me....
-
On Tuesday, January 27, 2004, Drifter
(265) wrote:
Amazing. The part about the swimming hole filled my mind with visions of inocence and forgotten memories. Inspiring work.
-
On Tuesday, January 27, 2004, purr_verse
(1052) wrote:
majestic surreal-so-realism again from you...i love the way you weave words. beautiful. purr
-
A former member wrote:
well written, touched me in a way i didn't expect..can't help but think while/after reading this..all the nights awake staring into the black of morning wishing there was a way to fix something
-
A former member wrote:
haha I like this, this is Moribund_Passion Fish, by the way I'm still working on that script...think you could help?
-
A former member wrote:
The way you write is always like a beautiful, fascinating story. I can't imagine what it must be like to be able to write so amazingly. I'm always impressed by your work. ~Wish Upon A Star
-
On Tuesday, January 27, 2004, Jaded Jezzabelle
(328) wrote:
Standing ovation!!!!! Fish...my man...you have truly out done yourself with this....This has so many messages within it...I felt as though you speaking right to me...telling me a story for lesson learned
-
On Tuesday, January 27, 2004, Jaded Jezzabelle
(328) wrote:
I would love to sit have coffee with you and hear yor life story....im sre it remarkable....thanks for the small moment of escape... i needed it
-
On Tuesday, January 27, 2004, KittyStryker
(710) wrote:
this is really awesome. i love referances to faery tales... and i like how it all circles around. damn you for being so good.
-
On Tuesday, January 27, 2004, KittyStryker
(710) wrote:
mm. you might have just spurred me to write some stuff i'd been putting aside for a while.