...Enmity of what I cannot be

By SolApathy

In to the enmity of what should not be me
Hate myself and yet can’t let it be
Before darkness & life invaded everything
I see
never again
Unscarred
Killing me before I feel empathy once more
Could someone, please?
I will be a crumbing mess on the floor
For you though,
I’ll open this door
Don’t want you to see me broken
Unspoken
I cannot stand to feel
How in this clusterfuck of insanity
Am I to help you to heal?
If I can’t manage the demons in my sky
If I know the end is always nigh
I look to the storm
By the deal of the devil I must abide
Ingest these pills of potent
Subdued reality
Whites are grey
Can’t enjoy the blazing orange of a sunset at the end of a day
Sane for just a moments breadth
Long enough to understand the depth
Help you escape
Then I run
I end the pill and make the change
Can’t let you see what I’m about to
Become
Kite in a hurricane after tasting the sane
My dreams
Deranged
Withdrawal from reality
I can’t face me anymore
With you safe just a moment of lucidity
The riptide beneath this thin shell
Hell
Cracked and breaks me free
the darkness swallows
…Me

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Published on Tuesday, January 24, 2017. Filed under: "Poetry"

Comments on "...Enmity of what I cannot be"

On Monday, November 19, 2018, Jonas Robinson (848) wrote:

It's not easy writing something easy to relate to while simultaneously creating something original, but you've done it. Nice job.
A former member wrote: This is so full of sorrow, and it breaks my heart. You capture such drowning emotions so well, it's a true talent, my dearest. Reb:).
On Tuesday, January 24, 2017, Allen (156) wrote:

Nice i liked that Sol your writing is always something to see