My Villain, My Savior. My Heart

Little thumps
Throbs from wires
Pulses, invisible
Coughing up something
Akin to reaching
Reading readouts 
From machines and tests

Handouts and begging 

If you quit, so do I

You've gone cold, in parts, where its detrimental
To the existence of us, the you and I
That matters most
You're my alone moment, my sounds instrumental
In ears that hear no noise, there's you
Speaking in bass and baritone
You're my ghost, in each and every throb
Thumps in rhythm

The push at the small of my back
For forward motion
Never retreating, even at the cost of health
Sanity
And reason

You, the guardian watching vigilant
The horizon soldier taking the bullets
That are meant for my being
Resilient and forgiving, with your eyes closed
You're my ghost, my haunt, my specter
Whispering nonsense and leaving my thinking
Beating being behind to repeat
The same instances in my sleep

The force tucking in love night after night
The words of "I love you" on chapped lips and broken
Moments in time and relief

You, my strength
You've suffered

At my hands you've been cast out, whored
Street corners and night clubs
Strung out and polluted
Tortured, you, my prisoner
My heirloom
You've been mad dashes and car crashed
Against my chest where the bars of your prison
My ribs, veins, the wires and clotting
The plaque strangling

I curse you, revel in you, I taste you
Every time I bleed, I see you
In every smile on young lips
I hear you in giggles

Remembering
Every I love you
Ever whispered
My best friend, my memory
My villain out to slay me
My savior, my grace saving

I hate you

I'd give you up, if it wouldn't kill me


You gave me start
My heart
You gave me value

Who am I, without you