i’m washing down the kitchen with rat poison

soaking bread in water

and plugging the toaster in

my self-destroying pattern

is now an outward

evil chagrin

is the memory of how you held me

in my cellulite clotted thighs

pathetic corny lyrics

or in my daily ‘i do’ lies

why can’t i appreciate all i have

happiness settle in as present beauty

closeness not be suffocation

and the past fleeting be

a hunger strike

shrink you out

to remove you from myself

raising me to honored wife

and not your left behind mistress house elf

you don’t think of me

i did hear the drop of the other shoe

thousands of miles away

why should still think of you


author’s note: Text to husband:

 “I really deeply love you. Don’t be put off by my occasional distance. Sometimes,  time is not kind to me and forces me to live in the past.”

 reply: “Okay”
 “I hope I did not trigger off any bad thoughts.”

“No. Not at all. You are my Olympic torch. I need to keep running. You inspire me to do so.  Same for you.  Sometimes nostalgia of *#$+~% and  your kids is too real.  The hurt is real.  But we are blessed with each other to heal the  wounds.  So happy you are my dearest husband and best friend!”

thunder and clouds roll in ~

a ballerina dances motionless in a glass prism~

 “i do”

 “I do too”

 “Awwww! I love you more every day.  Thank you for keeping me in the
 and as     a       present!”