in the darkness of the night
By BrokenAngel
in the cool darkness of night, i walk to a place full of life. in the cool
darkness of night i come alive. i feel the urge to get out and stalk my
prey. with a peak and a rush, a surge of wild untamed energy, i release
myself out into this darkness. prowling, mincing like a cat. silently,
patiently, patiently i wait. i wait to catch a glimpse. a glimpse of a
shadow marring the lamp lighted streets. without a sound, slipping after
it. i make my way towards this thing, this beast, this creature who's
invaded my territory. slowly slowly i come upon it. pinning my prey beneath
me. claws outstretched, waiting for the perfect moment to sink them deep
inside. lunging at the jugular, killing in one sharp snap of fangs
i end it.
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© 2008 BrokenAngel
Published on Tuesday, October 28, 2008.
Filed under:
"Poetry"
Comments on "in the darkness of the night"
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On Saturday, October 2, 2010, nightshade
(118) wrote:
you have some good imagery and I agree that this would sink its claws into the readers mind a bit more if you changed your structure a good bit. However unlike the others I think you should try it not to please the reader but to try something different even if you don't do it again. It's all about the challenge :P Great work and am going to read more now lol.
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A former member wrote:
thats the most poisonous thing that i have ever heard of. beautiful, very beautiful
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On Tuesday, October 28, 2008, The Lipstick Factor
(287) wrote:
Vivid imagery! I tend to agree with Aleas though--might be more punch with a different structure--but I also agree that it's your work and you should write in your own style!
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On Tuesday, October 28, 2008, Aleas
(169) wrote:
Paaaaaace yourself. =p I can't say that Im a fan of the "blurp" style this is. I think certain lines might have a bit more punch if this were structured a bit differently. The last line by itself was a nice touch and is exactly what I mean, but que sera sera. Who's really here for my entertainment and judgment anyway?