(Some nights she wonders, who’s in change here)


Fear speaks, “I am”

“Oh NO you are not“, reality interjects

Waving frantically in the back fuck it laughs. Thinking, I might be soon. As those around whisper amongst themselves, vying.

“Ok everyone can’t all talk at once. “
Rational calls the committee to order
Unsure who will present data first.

“He could have, I can’t even say it”

“But you must,” reality responds, “blindness doesn’t become you.”

“Died, happy now?”

“You’re always so dramatic” snickers fear, knowingly.

“But, but”

“I can stop this for you” breathes fuck it.

(how do I stop this for me)


Rational stands to speak.

“Lets keep this simple, as this isn’t yours. It is his process. The needle nothing more than what you make it. Why make it encompass all?”

He said, “run, if it returned.”

“Hello the heroin was already there. Did you think he honestly wouldn’t be drawn back? You didn’t even know”

“How could I? I was living”

“And it is over right, right? So where is the problem?”

(reflecting to his face stormy and shell shocked, so far from over)

“You’re missing the life slowly pour back into him. Stick to the rules, focus on you. This isn’t your head to be trampling in”

“I am being ignore again,” fuck it says as he pushes to the front, with the mouth running. “I could fix this right up, you know that. Ah, the memories, remember our fondest ones?”
“Everyone follow me. To the bottles, grab them bottles. Do your chemist bit, some of this, that. We can all be out of here. The infighting is getting boring now. Lets go float in some nothingness.”

(Rational loudly smacks the gavel)

“Let try to stay within reality please”

“Who’s,” questions fear.

“Nothing, a clean canvas, to recreate the mind on…
Justify, sweetly justify…” sings fuck it.

Anger pushes forward screaming, “An in house beating seems in order. What are you thinking? Don’t you forget what was shown.”

Arrogance stands to protest that….“Fuck you bitch, it was ego’s fault then. I left that behind long ago. “

“Did you now?” blurts anger sarcastically. “That’s right you blame the horror away. How easy that is for you.”

“Wait I want a say” Fuck it eagerly invites resentment to a spot close by.

“This is sick, I am tired. Oh hell that is an understatement. All this responsibility, this feeling it. My turn to numb it away, hide.”

Reality can’t help ask, “from what, heroin?” As if it deserves the power, you give it. To remind again it is over.”

Fear asks, “is that is a promise?” With the one reality it knows. There are no guarantees.

His words replay, “it was a suicide mission”.

The voices fight till the body exhausts

Which prevailed you might ask…

Surely shame would never tell.



(this is a rewrite, more for structure, then wording, as it definitely needed cleaning up to make it more readable)