the hammer, the stirrup, and the anvil

Thank you for taking me far away from my home and into a big city of smoke and steel, thanks for spending lots of money on our stay, I hope we never come back. Maybe you were joking when you called it beautiful, it's terrible and lonely. I love you for the food and time and the roof over our heads- it makes me feel claustrophobic with its closing in and the memories that choke me.
You called the people I care about most "freaks", you don't even know their names. You kept us away from anything that could change us or that seemed unsafe, I became apathetic and dangerous in your wake. I was an atomic explosion hidden in a girl's body, I always kept my fist clenched as though right before the hit, even while holding my pen. My words strike an awful blow to you, it's quite an ironic joke... the punch line hits you hard. It leaves you lying flat on your back wondering what caused it, what you've done to deserve this. It was everything. Every word you ever said to me with your teeth ground tight and your mind closed even further. I'm supposed to be having the time of my life, but you ignored the chemical reaction in my eyes- they changed from green to black- we can never go back to our childhood, but I will endeavor to reach the tranquility I once possessed to replace this perpetual anger. This manic-depressive energy that envelops me, all-consuming and devouring my ability to love.
Some day the time will be appropriate; the planets never align, they only collide- someday you will see inside my mind. On that day, as I have written and declared as my own prophecy- I will hold in one hand my four-chambered heart, and in the other I will hold a six-chambered gun. This isn't over... we have not even reached a proper beginning yet.