i was getting extremely stir crazy by the time we got to
new orleans. the dynamics of groups always interest me. i like to watch people together, interacting. i don't like having to be one of those people. i don't like heirarchies. i dislike pressing my will onto others only a little less than i like to have another's will pressed upon me. it's a control thing. it's a pride thing. it's a weird thing. on the other side of the coin, this situation is helping me develop better attitudes and learn new ways to deal with and accept being somewhat out of control. i'm continuing to develop social skills inmany different areas of life. further, i am having an excellent time.

new orleans is amazing. it has an excellent potent energy to it. sweat and sex hang in the air. it feels romantic, but without the sap. the lamps are beautiful, burning all night. i could live there.

jen is fun. she's growing on me. it's simulataneously a sad state of affairs and comforting to actually have it through my head that i've got to be a lot more guarded with my emotions. it's something i've got to continue to remember to remember, however. balance has always been difficult for me. i do have a feeling that i'll manage this decently. jen's someone i'd be friends with, even if we weren't fucking. 'fucking' i don't like that word. 'making love' is no better. words: the resting places of concepts that exist in the fabric of our precieved reality. humbug. why haven't they come up with a suitable set of terms for quasi-intimate, semi-casual sex?

it's hot.
i'm dehydrated, broke and smoking too many cigarettes.
i fucking love road trips.