5 pounds

By Bluegirl

Woke up, and stood on the scale
Feels so good
To see that finally I an do something right
That finally I can destroy
All that I have left
And lose more weight in one week
Than I really should
Woke up and answered the phone,
As I check in with you
And LIE
Because there is nothing else to do
I can't risk you foiling my plans right now
I can't risk you trying to help me
Because I don't want my saving
To be done by a Prince
Or a Princess
Comming on their white horse
To slay the demons within me
NO
I want to be stronger than that
I want to stop at any time
And become healthy for you again
But how can I do that
When the numbers speak for themselves
And I am lost
In the destruction
Of it all

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.

Published on Friday, September 19, 2003. Filed under: "Personal" and "Poetry"

Awards

April 14th, 2010

Comments on "5 pounds"

A former member wrote: This struggle is so familiar. Having the most control over possibly the only thing you can keep track over. I hope you see your beauty..
On Wednesday, April 14, 2010, Dilated View (582) wrote:

Brutal. Sometimes we have only ourselves to rely on to fix what needs fixing. We have to do these things for ourselves to not cheapen the result. Our reasons have to come from within. I can feel this wholeheartedly. Thank you for sharing.
On Wednesday, June 15, 2005, Sticky Kitty (241) wrote:

left me breathless welcome to my Favorite's list dearest lovely -kitty
A former member wrote: You've hit something there, Tara.
On Saturday, October 4, 2003, CharlottesWeb (509) wrote:

Being saved is such a romantic notion, but after the rescue comes the shame of not being able to save your self. I sympathize with you in this completly. ~JMDW~
On Saturday, September 20, 2003, diavolessa (207) wrote:

I have cut myself from the world all to often, just to find that asking for help is nothing to fear... you poem hits really close to home. It felt good reading this {dia}
On Saturday, September 20, 2003, worm (1149) wrote:

my dear, the things we put ourselves through just because we deem it necessary is, all too often, more than we would EVER expect from someone else! be prideful of who you are now, and things may start to change... much respect!
On Friday, September 19, 2003, TheMistressBucket (18) wrote:

If I had a dime for everytime I have felt the way your beautiful poem discribes, I would be filthy rich. A pleasure to read.
A former member wrote: Damn straight... A nickle for each cut.
On Friday, September 19, 2003, urbanhumility (1158) wrote:

profound, and evolving.........urban
On Friday, September 19, 2003, KittyStryker (710) wrote:

mm. yeah... i understand... y'know, i didn't used to understand, but i can see why you don't want someone else to solve it for you. i can be like that about things too... i want to do it MYSELF. either way- we're going to Friendly's,
On Friday, September 19, 2003, Bluegirl (177) wrote:

yeah, I know you didn't understand.. atually, I still don't really get it. Because another part of me still wants someone to put food into my dish and ORDER me to eat it. dr. or otherwise.
On Sunday, September 21, 2003, KittyStryker (710) wrote:

y'know... i think what it is is that we WANT to solve it by ourselves... but then, it seems easier if someone helps us, guides us, forces us... but then we feel weak... it's a vicious cycle...
On Sunday, September 21, 2003, KittyStryker (710) wrote:

we'll sort it out. ;) even crayons will be fun times, hon!
On Friday, September 19, 2003, KittyStryker (710) wrote:

when i get back to MA, cause i think you need a fried chicken basket and some crayons. ;) or at least, *i* need a fried chicken basket and some crayons, and i want company. ::hug::
On Friday, September 19, 2003, angelunderneath (60) wrote:

By the way, I think you are beautiful (judging from your pic) and perfect just like you are :)
On Friday, September 19, 2003, Bluegirl (177) wrote:

Aww.. ::blushes:: well thanks. Now if I could only convince MYSELF of that..
On Friday, September 19, 2003, angelunderneath (60) wrote:

I, too, would like to be able to conquer MY demons by MYSELF. Frankly though, we are our own worst enemy sometimes, and sometimes we need the strength of others to give us strength