sad 4

this is an autobiography
that was never meant to be
by ruined writing 
in close proximity to my imagined enemies
most people look at you and see
what they want to see
what they want you to be
when they try to talk to me 
like I’m coasting in fantasy
like I live in liquid dreaming
like the point wasn’t missed completely 
like I love to hate myself constantly 
destroying yourself is easy
when you already live in hiding
learn this, protest that,
protest, protest, protest
with plastic signs over the child labor on your back
do your best and use all your influence to help
when your done throw all the clothes and signs in the trash
use, use, use, each piece of your contracted shell 
let me come into this, let me come help
a barn-burning beast/\waving a rawhide flag in hell
and in the confusion of the swell
the world would pause in violet while i immolate myself
I just want God to help 
finish what he started 
when he crafted a trenchant well
filled it with poison(left to our own devices)
formed a base with rotting corpses(and the wings of fallen angels) 
then crafted a mountain of material wealth
where he strokes his giant Lucifer 
over the sad orphan eyes of heavens window wells
teach us something that is fucking worth knowing
away from self importance through blunted stories 
please show me - echelon these KINGS 
faceless banners raising war torn cities inside of me
or show us how to take old bones from peaceful death
and transmute them +multiply them into water and bread
or how to relieve out my pores
and bleed out this stress
or to how fall onto the floor
and end up somewhere next to heaven
lights:
friends of friends of friends, magnanimous pretense 
exit, we escape to enter again
nights: 
drinks and lead
absinthe, escaped just to enter again
life: 
it’s reaching for a bottle high up on a shelf
Never learned to expire over spilled milk
makes me panic alone and wanna kill myself
death: 
glasshouse debris pours out
and the skin won’t grow back
nails curl onto coffin doors
with all the SAD/] SAD\[/SADDD
where the parasites are only Jesus
with diamond fangs and silver masks
”