Vicious Cycle

By NarcissusNarcosis

Do you ever hate so much
that you forget how to love
betrayed by a world that doesn't care
pleading to a ghost that's never there...
Do you ever get so hungry
that you forget how to eat
swallowing only silence
the bitter taste of defeat...
Do you ever get so tired
that you can't even sleep
anxiety and nervous wired
through bloodshot eyes, the world is bleak...
Do you ever feel so alone
that you can't stand to be around people
public is enemy, stay at home
but you can't trust yourself either...
Round up your guns
and sleep with a knife...
Do you ever feel so dead inside
that you hurt yourself to feel alive
pain is the only thing for sure
scars tell the tale of a life impure...
Do you ever miss someone so much
you'd kill yourself to see them again
start to shake when you forget their touch
the next time you'll be together
is in the end...
Do you ever tire of people leaving you
swearing you'll chain the next one in your basement
they will stay, their love will remain true
the thought of losing another, I just can't take it...
Do you ever dwell on the bad things for so long
they become everyday, routine thoughts
I obsess over my stress, everything feels wrong
someone, anybody...
Make this STOP...
fuck...

Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.

Published on Monday, August 5, 2013. Filed under: "Poetry"

Author's Note:

I don't know

Comments on "Vicious Cycle"

A former member wrote: "Do you ever feel so alone / you can't stand to be around other people / but you can't trust yourself either" . . . "Do you ever tire of people leaving you / swearing you'll chain the next one in your basement" fear of abandonment. "Through bloodshot eyes / the world is bleak." Not only do you provide a heavy dose of staining, but you contrast it with blankness and stark white plainness. Splitting / black-and-white thinking / Idealization and devaluation. The hallmark of instability in the emotional sense of the word, personality issues are never preferred. Depression will pass, they say it won't last, but what happens when your defect is all that you have . . . "you'd kill yourself to see them again / the next time you'll be together is in the end" . . . the lifetime risk of three-to-ten percent holds hands with seven, then. "Do you ever feel so dead inside / that you hurt yourself to feel alive" . . . well, you know, once you start doing stuff like that, it's hard to stop. Really wouldn't recommend it; such a vicious cycle.
On Tuesday, August 6, 2013, xZombie Poptartzx (332) wrote:

I know how this feels.. For the last 2-3 months i've been in this depressed rut and i can't seem to get the fuck out of it.. "Do you ever get so tired that you can't even sleep anxiety and nervous wired through bloodshot eyes, the world is bleak..." that part especially.. i know exactly what thats like. being tired as fuck but laying there with your eyes closed for hours not being able to sleep... it gets to the point where sleeping pills wont even do the trick. Nice write,, i feel ya xoxo
On Tuesday, August 6, 2013, Devilish (2633) wrote:

Even when you write like this i can't help but to wanna feel you slide around the top of me maybe cut my skin and let the blood drip in side out of me. i feel you though . a viscous cycle is a perfect fucking title.
On Monday, August 5, 2013, Sean Mc Shane (606) wrote:

This is an excellent piece NN, fucking awesome ! I get lost in that zone a lot. I can definitely relate to this one. Too cool. Later -
On Monday, August 5, 2013, dwells (4177) wrote:

Do the meds help, or maybe only make it worse I wonder? Side effects possibly similar to operant conditioning when rats are forced into an over-crowded environment. Adreno-corticoid steroids spike in reaction to the stress, and much the same as you describe in this piece. We all need our space, sometimes more - sometimes less. OK now leave $50 with the receptionist and I'll see you next week, cheers NN!
On Tuesday, August 6, 2013, Devilish (2633) wrote:

Lmfao.. dwells i love you . lol. i want some.
A former member wrote: this is my everyday. My heart is sore for you. xo
On Monday, August 5, 2013, andhaka (168) wrote:

I love this.It's raw and emotional and speaks volumes in these few chosen lines. Everyone feels this way at one point or another....we all just tend to handle our pain differently. Beautiful write NN : )
On Monday, August 5, 2013, blue angel (866) wrote:

This slices straight to my heart causing it to bleed a river ;(~ This raw unbridled emotion is crushing, to say the least...You're not alone !!! ~^_^~ Perfect in presentation:)~
On Monday, August 5, 2013, FearlessDragon (137) wrote:

This is an unbelievably powerful piece for many. The mind tends to be our biggest enemy when we can't just make it stop. Life is in a constant state of change and motion, our only option remaining is to let go and adapt to that which comes our way...