Formaldehyde Dreams
By nightshade
Twenty-seven stitches cross your ashen lips,
As bloody pearls clot
upon the slits.
Silver dollars placed upon tear laden eyes,
Your
muffled scream, as I kiss you goodbye
Your ashen cheeks draped by
disheveled hair,
I told you to never step into this malefic lair.
Warm flesh; dressed to impress,
I tie your hands across your breast.
As a forlorn tear seeps down your cheek
I place a crimson rose upon
satin sleek.
Like a rose divested of its thorns,
My fear
of you is now stillborn.
Your terror; your dread
Shall never
atone for things said.
Furthermore, your muffled cries,
Will
not bring tears to my eyes
I remove the lid from this pine box,
The cheapest one they had in stock
This nails lovingly inserted,
one by one
Redeem you, from what has been done
The arrhythmic
patter of your heart,
Will console me when we part.
Under
the coffin; your eternal bed,
I slide the dolly beneath an edge.
Tilt back now, for the rocket-ship ride
This smirk;, this smile
I will not hide!
We bump down steps and across the lawn,
Hurry
now!! For soon cracks the dawn…
Not two feet, nor six; but
further you slide
I know I paid considerably for your ride.
The
chest lurches ‘cross the clay and loam.
I hope you enjoy your new
home.
As you gasp for a breath to scream,
The dirt tumbles into
your eternal dreams.
Comments on "Formaldehyde Dreams"
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On Tuesday, October 4, 2016, 10 Forty Three
(543) wrote:
Wickedly dark. I love it! Not a hundred percent sure about the last two lines but well done. - 10:43
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A former member wrote:
...It doesn't scream "cold" to me. There are touches of tenderness within the piece that leaves me raw but comforted. I've said before love is the only emotion that can't be overdone. Very nice.
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A former member wrote:
Great, but the rhyme scheme threw me off... The intention was awesome, and the emotion was clear enough, but the structure with the words doesn;t feel natural.
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On Wednesday, November 24, 2010, Deaths Apostle
(65) wrote:
Not gonna lie I juss came a little...Nice write..Twisted imagery..Completely enjoyed this man XD
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On Wednesday, November 24, 2010, Corinthian
(306) wrote:
i am deflated spiritually there is a shadow crawling up my spine I love this !!~
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On Saturday, November 13, 2010, Poetic-Realm
(253) wrote:
man this was a grreat write, especially the very last two lines.... I like a lot of your pieces because the words that you choose are very different from usual poets and you carry them with a particular style and ferocity. great stuff man
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A former member wrote:
i actually think the concept is good but the rhyme scheme needs some work. it bothers me when you add an s to the words that are supposed to rhyme, like fear and years, its not a perfect rhyme anymore. also i feel like you sacrificed some of the comprehension level of the piece in order to rhyme. such as the line "i told you, but you didnt listen though you should" grammatically i guess it would be "should have" so it reads awkward for the sake of the rhyme scheme. also some more punctuation maybe help/
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On Sunday, November 14, 2010, nightshade
(118) wrote:
edited now what do you think
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A former member wrote:
this flows much better, but i think the semicolons are distracting and im not sure that they are appropriately placed, i would go for regular commas, also you missed a period at the end of the second stanza. these things dont mess with the flow though (well except maybe the semicolons) and i think the poem is much more comprehensible now (well in my opinion. good editing :)
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On Wednesday, November 3, 2010, Iwas
(39) wrote:
Such a pleasantly lyrical way to impose visions of burying someone alive. Seems almost romantic. Nicely done shade.