Philosophy At Fourteen

By Malcholm Dark

Philosophy at fourteen.  Lesson one:


What is it that young boys of fourteen do?
What is it that fills their young minds?
Do they rejoice in life?
Do they then give thanks?
Do they look to the future?


HELL NO...


They gather at their local pub
Drinking grog and imported ale
Lifting their glasses up high
Singing their favorite songs.





"Gang-bang Lulu, Lulu gang-bang
Whose gonna gang-bang Lulu
When I am old and gray?


Lulu has a boyfriend, her boyfriend's name is Tim
He took her to the river to see if she could swim.
First came the rapids, then came the falls
Lulu got excited and grabbed him by the...


Gang-bang Lulu, Lulu gang-bang.
Whose gonna gang-bang Lulu
When I am old and gray?


Lulu likes her boyfriend and he likes Lulu too
He took Lulu fishing to see what she could do.
First comes the casting, give that pole a flick
Lulu got excited and hooked him by his...


Gang-bang Lulu, Lulu gang-bang.
Whose gonna gang-bang Lulu
When I am old and gray?


Lulu has a boyfriend, her boyfriend has a truck
Lulu really likes to shift, her boyfriend likes to..."


"Wait! Before they get out of the truck.
One... more... time."


"Throw it into neutral and kick it in the guts
Lulu dropped the hammer and crushed his little...


Gang-bang Lulu, Lulu gang-bang.
Whose gonna gang-bang Lulu-u-u-u-u...
When I am old and gray?"





And here endeth the lesson.



Unauthorized Copying Is Prohibited. Ask the author first.
Copyright 2010 Malcholm Dark
Published on Friday, July 16, 2010.     Filed under: "Satire" and "Poetry"
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Comments on "Philosophy At Fourteen"

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  • themasterhunter On Friday, October 2, 2015, themasterhunter (43)By person wrote:

    That was hilarious. I am legit crying.

  • A former member wrote: loves labour lost.. This is delicious sand toothless

  • Oliver Twisted On Thursday, November 29, 2012, Oliver Twisted (53)By person wrote:

    that was gold Malcholm, gold! Very funny and i sung it in my head. Got me into a drinking mood and now i have a song to sing with my pals. thank you!

  • Killerdemonchick On Thursday, November 29, 2012, Killerdemonchick (53)By person wrote:

    Funny write nice and cheeky: well done

  • PoetessDarkly On Thursday, November 29, 2012, PoetessDarkly (693)By person wrote:

    this poem shows what a wicked sense of humor you possess lol great cheeky pen

  • A former member wrote: I really enjoyed this poem, it takes your mind on a journey if you let it :3

  • A former member wrote: Never would have guessed that. Thanks for sharing. :)

  • Wiccad On Saturday, July 17, 2010, Wiccad (124)By person wrote:

    So that's what 14 year old boys think about.......lesson learned.

  • A former member wrote: huh. See now, I read this perhaps differently... since I'm accustomed to 14 yr olds not being admitted to pubs for grog and ale... I took that as a suggestion to consider it ironically... rather than the 14 yr old in the pub... I took it to indicate those in the pub were 14 yr olds... Then, the song itself... and I like the omission of the end rhymed words, already suggested by the preceding rhyme... I took as suggesting an inherent critique, along the lines of immaturity suggested of the pub frequenters, of the mentality produced perhaps by grog and ale. Maybe of a general critique of males or 'coming to age' adolescence.... perhaps of society and what it offers in terms of intellectual stimulation... and maybe, lastly, of humanity... just the base nature of the beast.... what love for wisdom is there when Lulu is around. Either way, had there not been the title that there is, I don't believe my way of reading it would have been suggested to me at all... enjoyable, and welcome back, you were missed.

  • A former member wrote: Or maybe the lesson is: bang all the Lulu's you can while your young? car[e diem... "gather ye rosebuds while ye may, old man time's a flying, and these same flowers blooming today, tomorrow will be dying"... Robert Herrick, I think... quoted by memory, so it may be a bit off.

  • The Dybbuk On Thursday, October 25, 2012, The Dybbuk (895)By person wrote:

    hehe, still enjoy this pondering write. thanks.

  • charliebrown On Saturday, July 17, 2010, charliebrown (22)By person wrote:

    i remember my lulu,lol, good lesson

  • lupus tenebrae On Friday, July 16, 2010, lupus tenebrae (860)By person wrote:

    Ah to be fourteen again, Lulu must have have just been excited to go to the rapids and fishing lol, another awesome piece and it let me see into a philosophy of a year left behind, write on my friend. Scholar

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