I Call Him Dog
By Malcholm Dark
His ears do offend and his nose
does appall
He is built very wide, not at all very tall.
He
likes sniffing bush, a real leg humper
He farts in the house, a
real scent dumper.
My rug has been gnawed, pee stains on the floor
"Hey! Who put those damn scratches in the door?"
My girl came by
the other day, her name's Meg
She hollered at me, "get this thing
off my leg!"
--I own an animal which resembles an honest-to-god,
inbred hog
he's not a rat, a big burly cat, nothing like that
...I call him dog.
He has the colors of brown, gray,
black and white
If he catches you off guard, it's a dreadful sight.
He escapes the yard--runs amok--because he's bored
I read a sign
today: 'Poodle... Missing... REWARD!'
When he sits up it looks
like a snaggle-toothed raccoon
My friends all laugh and call him
a fat, nasty baboon.
I found a thief in the house who went on to
beg
"Please mister, please! Get this thing off my leg."
--I
own an animal which resembles an honest-to-god, inbred hog
he's
not a rat, a big burly cat, nothing like that
...I call him dog.
He's not handsome at all, but to
me he is a real gem
Best of friends forever, that is the way I
think of him.
He's not all there and loses it for no reason or
rhyme
So the neighborhood pets take losses from time to time.
Unable
to swim, he sinks like a bag of rocks
"Hey! Who in hell, ripped
up all of my socks?"
You can roll him around just like a small
wooden keg
Someone is always shouting, "get this thing off my leg!"
--So do not be alarmed if he squeals like a farm bred hog
he's
not a rat, a big burly cat, nothing like that
...I call him dog.
Comments on "I Call Him Dog"
-
On Wednesday, May 15, 2013, dwells
(4177) wrote:
Wifey had mine neutered when he was a puppy, and sometimes lately I think I might be next! Cheers Mal and waiting on your next piece as only you can do. Bert and Ernie are still my favorite paramours for the attentions of Miss Piggy, cheers!
-
On Saturday, April 3, 2010, Musik2MyEyes
(192) wrote:
Man's best friend. Unconditional love and full time entertainment. Some are cute and cuddly and others are a heap of destruction just wagging their tail waiting for a pat on the head. This was a fun read. Every verse painting us a picture of this faithful friend of yours =)
-
On Saturday, April 3, 2010, Malcholm Dark
(806) wrote:
thanks M, I forgot to put that in, "pat on the head"...
-
On Saturday, April 3, 2010, Malcholm Dark
(806) wrote:
Thanks w, I love my dog... you just can't beat their devotion....
-
On Saturday, April 3, 2010, Wiccad
(124) wrote:
That was sweet MD, I have three dogs and can completely understand where you're coming from..........very funny.
-
On Friday, April 2, 2010, blue
(1409) wrote:
haha, i absolutely loved this write...humourous and thoughtfully scribed.....reminds me of my own best dog friends, whom i miss terribly.. funny, this also reminded me of a poem my mother wrote about me riding the vacuum cleaner and stuffs...thank you for that remembrance as well.. ha, and i don't even like rhyme!!!!! =) good show. ~b
-
On Friday, April 2, 2010, Malcholm Dark
(806) wrote:
thanks, great thing about dogs is no matter how good or bad you treat them, they will always love you... I can almost see you on your vacuum...lol
-
On Friday, April 2, 2010, lupus tenebrae
(860) wrote:
lol another great write, reminds me of my old dog, he was extremely friendly, I loved how even the thief said "get this thing off my leg" enjoyable read, thanks for sharing.
-
On Friday, April 2, 2010, Malcholm Dark
(806) wrote:
thanks PW, the vision of a dog humping a leg always made me bust out laughing... Every male dog I ever had seemed to stick their nose in a girls crotch, then her pushing the dog away.... I always laughed so hard at that...
-
On Friday, April 2, 2010, Rowan
(197) wrote:
hehehe another great piece! I own a dog and she gets on my nerves chewing up my pants! I can barely afford that. I loved the line "When he sits up it looks like a snaggle-toothed raccoon..". That line just made me laugh so hard for some reason. :)
-
On Friday, April 2, 2010, Malcholm Dark
(806) wrote:
thanks R, every dog I had has chewed something up of mine... when I was a young boy I heard that line 'snaggle-toothed raccoon' and I've been waiting so long to use it...
-
A former member wrote:
That was a nice one and I had fun reading it. Think of it this way, the dog doesn't know or even care that he's ugly.
-
On Friday, April 2, 2010, Malcholm Dark
(806) wrote:
thanks, I agree they don't, but even ugly dogs need love...