It always feels a bit like being taken hostage

Left to dangle from the string thousands of miles away



So what was that early am message
Some sort of momentary lapse of reason
Or is the reasoning what you run most from

I was looking forward to hearing your voice
More than just you giving your name on voice mail
Signifying the right number had been reached

To find some sense
But then is there ever any to find

It’s been a few years
With no endings, and what of beginnings
The polite, how are you
Or that inquisitive, so do tell what spatial plane might you have been trip traipsing upon
And yes, I’ve missed you

God, I really need this poetic purging
Whether you can handle my the late night musings, or not
The formality seems important
That “please call”, no answer … contradiction



I’m not sure if I have anything left
A so very much different, me
It’s all old news anyway, isn’t it
What is there to say
When the truth isn’t as clear as you need
Becoming mangled
In the lies that are all to easy to use as a means to self destruct
Oh, just in case you had wondered I have my own handbook there
I couldn’t have designed it more brilliantly

I guess in many ways it is over and done here
As he said, one year, he is giving clean a year
Like a trial period on life
You don’t like it, you just go back to all you ever knew
Seems simple enough
Because really now, it is waiting patiently
Will about make sure it claims all one’s time

I do love time, so effortless
Even in those ungracious moments

Mine here, now
There is as much a noticeable absence of chaos as there is heroin
Although I am fascinated in watching the signs of life and death fighting amongst themselves
An oddly severed and detached bit of warring
Even with life looking to have the upper hand



So within this dark place that sets me free
I take solace
In the permanent nature I find in bleeding the emotions to paper
Once out, how does one even attempt to erase
This medium, my catalyst
Where I remove that need to keep it all locked away
Similar in the severed, detached feel
Even if I was very well trained there
I don’t want to forget again to breath in life, to speak, to take chances
Feel the wonder in it all

Have you found your wonder
I do hope so
 
All those little things could sustain me forever
Add in the spontaneity
Can you understand what is means to not catch yourself being happy
Imagine an artless flow of feeling, not a hint of hesitation



That year will be coming to a close soon  for him
Me, well I always wanted only one thing I think in the end
Even if I overcomplicated it all to hell and back
To fall again, right into that rabbit hole

To just be ok with the choice, with whatever fate brings
To be able to go on for me, for all that should be out there waiting
I hope for my own sake I didn’t waste to much of my time

I have come so far that I won’t be going back to those yesterday’s
It tends to be more scary now in terms of looking at myself
I was so comfortably at home in the madness

Yet, I am not sure we fall back into it all so helplessly
I did find my why’s, so maybe that counts along the way
Yet , is the risk ever worth it

So very much lighter …



Only good thoughts for you my friend
Generously sprinkled with love