Comments by All Members
- "I found this mesmerizing and calculated. Even expecting the outcome I didn't expect it to be so haunting. The words unspoken, I think, added much to this. Nicely done, thank you for sharing :)"
Posted by Dilated View on "Waiting Azalea" by A Life Without You
- "I love the way that you capture lost times..loves and lives forgotten..memories that fade away with the dying...Picture so many places that are sad and forlorn yet voices speak from within the walls...Nice.."
Posted by Ceolwulf on "The unforgivable fall" by A Life Without You
- "Fantastic, I wish I could express a Sunday walk
like this.... the only remaining thought of her left as soon as my feet hit the pavement... this line is going to be with me for some time... thanks"
Posted by Malcholm Dark on "Doorways" by A Life Without You
- "Wow, that was awesome... pretty good for the first time... a good writer can master any structure.... write more like this.... I challenge you, more please...lol... thanks "
Posted by Malcholm Dark on "need you now" by A Life Without You
- "What a great documentation of a day in your life. It was well expressed and I felt your questions as you examined and wondered about others, how they connect with you, what they are thinking, where they come from.... where to go from here... I enjoyed this. =)"
Posted by Unknown on "Doorways" by A Life Without You
- "honestly, it was the opening line that snagged me and carried me through.. . .. paintings on dying trees.......i think, as a young [and old.ish] girl, i did this quite frequently; so many of your strophes i found haunting and homey.. .. despite the tone to this."
Posted by Unknown on "The unforgivable fall" by A Life Without You
- "I like things that begin in medias res... not sure this is exactly... but it kinda has an impromptu start... the concrete ceilings had me goin.... picturing a cell of sorts... the words seemed surreal to me.... found it odd that such cries would find their end in anyone's ear... but, perhaps that's part of the point. and forever ends in fear.... huh. interesting idea. I wanted more, here, I felt unfinished.... and, of course, that's a good thing.... indication of capture, maybe. definitely resonated in an eerie.... waken to a nightmare... way. nice right, man."
Posted by Unknown on "Finding an End..." by A Life Without You
- "Hey thanks, i do appreciate the feed back. I guess 9/10 ant bad, it gives me a chance to kind of explain this a bit. My style of writing isn't supposed to be the conventional rhyming paragraphs with perfectly matching syllables, most of my stuff is actually "beat" cut down a bit, cause with beat poetry you can add some of the emotion you want your audience to grasp in the way you present it. This piece was more a less a short story started in a coffee shop between the cheating/lying girl friend n the "Heart on the sleeve" boyfriend. In essence it starts with a conversation but ultimately is comprised with just his thoughts of the hole situation, as she is selfishly rambling on... so only slight conversation in the beginning, most of us have been there at one time or another, most of my pieces are written as "thoughts", to be read line by line, taking a second or two in-between, not jumbled into paragraphs to be skimmed over in 2.3 seconds, yes this is a website comprised of "poetry", unfortunately the majority of occupants don't have time to read it as it was designed. They skim through a work looking for that one key word that will catch there fancy, then they'll try to slow down n read... but anyway, i admire your works so in-turn i appreciate your comments, your a talented poet so i will not take the criticism in vain, but will use it to improve, and will thank you for being honest, and hope to hear more from you on other pieces i have written, thanx again my friend"
Posted by A Life Without You on "Words on a Napkin" by A Life Without You
- "pretty decent prose.. maybe throw a lil more description in there? some dialogue perhaps... great concept, started very strong, but I think the second half could be better.... just a thought man. thanks for sharing, good read."
Posted by Unknown on "Words on a Napkin" by A Life Without You
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