Comments by All Members
- "I've haven't read a style like this, ever I think. How fun, and the poem itself beautiful. I don't know who this woman is to you, but it reminded me of a couple in my life. Glad I found you, look forward to reading more. - XXOO"
Posted by Nehema on "Sunspot." by Aleas
- "I saw you. You were there for but a second. But I saw you. And this was a wonderful write."
Posted by Unknown on "Sunspot." by Aleas
- "tremendous read!!! i feel like i intruded on a dream. well put together! thanks for posting."
Posted by natalie on "Sunspot." by Aleas
- "You aren't here anymore, but ill respond anyway, just cuz. Right before tepid I use the word cloudless - this I am aware becomes paradoxical - except right before cloudless I use "surprisingly". Every word has it's place. Always."
Posted by Aleas on "The Hint I Missed." by Aleas
- "Seeing deeper into simple pleasures... You seem to be great at this. I love this. Great work. And nice pic. "
Posted by Unknown on "Along the Way." by Aleas
- "Also, I'd recommend replacing "cloudless" with "empty." "Cloudless," while structurally depicting subtraction (a loss of clouds), has an almost optimistic connotation (clouds are traditionally unwanted; cloudy is "bad" weather). While there is something interesting in the thought that the sky is surprisingly cloudless on a day that -should- be gloomy, given the circumstances, your choice of "tepid" right after that (a thoroughly negative connotation) reverses the irony, rendering it ineffective. So, either express "tepid" in the same ironic fashion as "cloudless," or adjust "cloudless" to "empty" and make the adjectives more consistent (plus, the irony is still there, just buried deeper- the reader has to figure out, "oh, that's actually rather nice weather")."
Posted by Unknown on "The Hint I Missed." by Aleas
- "I like the choice to capitalize the acrostic element, and not simply because it makes the theme more apparent. I like the visual of this missed hint being so glaringly obvious in hindsight. Effective means of communicating via form. Kudos.
The last line has good emotional weight, and the choice to give it an extra line space and indent it serves it well to distinguish it from the acrostic structure. Just not sure it's completely necessary. The bit I mentioned first, about the glaringly obvious in hindsight, kind of does all that emotional lifting for you in the first place. I don't think much would be lost in completeness nor in effect if the last line were excised. It does eliminate the ambiguity of "suicidal" (which doesn't necessarily mean the subject went through with anything), but I feel like there might be an opportunity to reveal that within the acrostic, or at least build in enough clues (thus tying it back to the title even more) to suggest that."
Posted by Unknown on "The Hint I Missed." by Aleas
- "Drifting feeling I got in the middle until you pulled me back for a very strong finish, thanks and much enjoyed this."
Posted by dwells on "Sunspot." by Aleas
- "enchanting write...the one who said it was a labyrinth described it perfectly...it made me feel like i was in a green maze...idk how to explain it, but it was wonderful "
Posted by iceshot11 on "Sunspot." by Aleas
- "This is really potent writing. Labyrinthine yet calming effect. Very excellent piece, Aleas. "
Posted by Unknown on "Sunspot." by Aleas
- "gawds, your writing has been missed....the depth and scope and reality of it...the making of a beauty full scape . .. .the wordplay is excellent. captivating."
Posted by Unknown on "Sunspot." by Aleas
- "awesome, at one point i thought you were refering to a vibrator, but im sick in the head! i loved this though. great writing!"
Posted by haunted on "Sunspot." by Aleas
- "gutting gutteral cries and a foot.falling finger.gripping holding on and all the while, youre stunned still watching the carnage and the clarity sink into you.....letting go is nearly impossible when its.......when its.. .. .. "
Posted by Unknown on "Godsent Goodbye." by Aleas
- "You captured such a real emotion in so few words. We always wish we could've read the hints, stopped time, and been the superhero for our loved ones. Beautiful yet depressing write."
Posted by Dreaming in Stanzas on "The Hint I Missed." by Aleas
- "The simple pleasures in life....the special, or not so special happenings....you seem to cherish them, am I right?"
Posted by Unknown on "Along the Way." by Aleas
- "This is unmistakeably brilliant...but I would like to know what it's about exactly. Your work seems to have a secret you like to keep."
Posted by Unknown on "Salvo." by Aleas
- "Raw and Slinky...If Tarantino translated his madness into poetry, I assume it would taste something like this"
Posted by Vicious Pixie on "Salvo." by Aleas
- "You break me each time I read your work. I almost have to pause between the times I read just to catch a breath. I didn't breathe much through this one. It captivated me from top to bottom. You have a way that makes all who read fall instantly in love."
Posted by Unknown on "Please; Don't." by Aleas
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