vanished

when i last saw your beautiful face
you told me this was the last time i would ever see you
i didn't believe you
how could you expect me to just walk away
from your smile
knowing it stayed on your face
for someone else to find
you wrote me a song
when the mountains crumble from the sky
i'll still be loving you
you said "my love will always be with you"
even though it was mutable
ever-changing
slipping away like the sands on the shore
going back into the sea
you threatened suicide
then decided on homicide
vowed to hunt me down in hell
there was no where for you to hide
from the stark angry enigma of
my slave-like devotion to you
our love affair was a farce
parading obscenities for all to see
you preferred to isolate in topless bars
while i stayed at home hiding my feelings
in old mayonnaise jars
you fucked all my friends
then brought me kittens
bloodied my face
then embraced me in your arms and
told me i was your best girl
we thought we had forever
to continue in this mutually exclusive
violent relationship
now your gone
vanished without a trace
buried in a white infant casket
containing someone elses ashes
a phony memorial service
while your corpse was laid out in the morgue
the autopsy was incomplete
bold letters
AIDS
your head was smashed
massive contusions to the lower extremities
as if you had been dragged dead
in search of a shallow grave
cardiomyopathy from too much speed
they robbed me of my eulogy
now your spirit seems content
to harass me on the internet
electronic wizard that you were
this seems a perfect conduit for you to get through
from your celestial other-world
now i only see your face
inside my own dreamscapes
still you are always mine
death can not erase
your beauty or my shame
how stange it is
how we bleed