A Journal Entry...Belated Break Down

weak. im so fuckin weak.
sadest part, i dont even know why i keep doing this.
its my own fault.
it has to end, i have serious problems
i do not know what im going to do.
i have to end it now or else im going to get so hurt.
but i love how i say my goodbyes
and make it obvious im leaving
he comes back and makes me love him again
and all i can think:
"you're in my web now, ive come to wrap you up tight
until it's time to bite down."
and he knows how i love to bite
and i know how he loves when i do.

i drink too much.
i can see my mother in me and its creeping me the fuck out.
i love my sister more than i have in years, but im worried for her.
i love my friends but things have changed so drastically.
i think i know why adam wont call me back.
its my own fuckin fault and it makes me sad.
elaine feels at fault too, and it partially is.
but i dug my own grave.
i miss him.

my closest friend at the moment, big daddy d,
really disapointed me tonight.
and he knows it
and it will never be the same
and i loved him like no other
but in a really sweet way
wont be the same

i smoke too much.
im going to be 23 this year.
people i grew up with are married, have kids, and divorced.
ive done some fucked up shit.

im so stoned.
this was my belated new years break down.
goodnight.